sometimes

Sometimes... I feel very alone and lonely. I wish there was someone I could call whenever just to talk or hang out. I wish I was at the beach. The bugs get loud when banging into the windows. The heat and humidity annoy me (that's more of an all the time). I wish I didn't have to study so much. I just want to run. --This just shows me how much I need God. How worldly I am and that I need to rely more on Him rather than my feelings, thoughts, and emotions. God I pray that You will draw me nearer as I continue to seek You.

I ran 12.5 today at a 9:07 pace (slow, but oh well, I need to lose some weight before I start real training-I'm aiming for 125 by the end of the summer). I decided I'm going to run a sub-3:30 marathon (sub-8/mile) so I need to get back into shape and doing actual training instead of being a slacker and relying on my guts to make it through like I have been. Big Sur-I hadn't run for a month prior and I was dehydrated and sick before I started. Richmond was pure pain and all will power-my neck was tweaking the entire summer and I hadn't run since Big Sur 6 months before. Seneca 50k-I really felt like I needed to run more long runs before doing over 30 miles-the longest I ran before that race during training was 6-8 miles. The Ridge Runner was fine until I hit mile 19-from there it was guts and will power; indicating my assumptions were correct and I need to add distance to build up my endurance. I need to get a set schedule-aka a job soon so I can plan my runs and training schedule.

During my run today I stopped at church for water. I didn't expect so many people to be there at 6:45 when the event started at 7:30, but oh well. I was dripping with sweat, I couldn't even pretend I was just glistening. Most of the ladies smiled at me regardless, but they looked like pity smiles rather than 'good to see you/glad you're here" smiles.

I don't really fit in here very well do I?

-run for life