only time will tell

Like many girls growing up I dreamed of getting married, having kids, a house with a beautiful garden-bay windows-and a porch. I wanted a dog that would protect my family. It was picturesque. The house would be spotless, like the rooms out of a Home & Gardens magazine. Sunlight would flood the rooms in the afternoon and cast a lovely glow into the dark corners of the rooms glinting off the shining wooden dresser drawers. The china cabinet would be filled with various dishes and glasses from all around the world. The walls would display photographs from the traveling my husband and I had done prior to having children. The kids would wear little ties and cute dresses that matched to church. They would be respectful and mind their manners when out in public. My husband would have a 40 hour work week so that he could be home in the evenings to spend time with the family. Weekends would be filled with family time, hiking, playing, going to the park, singing, laughter and pure joy of being together. Sometimes we would go on family vacation playing games in the car if it were a road trip or dozing off in the plane.

Reality hits like a slap in the face. It's 2008, not 1998, or 1988. I'm twenty five-a quarter of a century, single, on the other side of the country from everything familiar to me, and still wondering if the dream was just that-a dream. My eyes well up with tears as I pray and repeat various verses to myself. He is the Rock... He will never leave us or forsake us... All things work for the glory of God for those who love Him... and on I fight back the temptations and lies. Satan whispers in my ear that I am not good enough, not pretty enough, don't make enough money, am not smart enough, fast enough, don't have enough hobbies, am too tomboyish. The list could go on forever. With a shaking hand I pull out my sword and cry out to my God to help me.

He reminds me of how He saved me. He gently turns me away from the distractions. He tells me that His timing is best. He whispers that He has marvelous plans for me. I look up into His loving eyes as tears stream down my face. I tell Him my hopes, my dreams, and put my trust in Him. I ask Him if I'll one day have a family of my own and He smiles at me, "child you are more precious than silver," He says. "I cannot tell you what your future holds right now, you will have to trust me and wait and see. I have never broken a promise, I will always be faithful."

I look down the path, trying to control my feelings and emotions. I see the faces of the guys who have distracted my thoughts. I turn away and refocus on my Savior, telling myself if it's in God's plans-it will happen (I've not lost hope, but have once again had to refocus on what is of utmost importance). I put my head down and grit my teeth. I have a long journey ahead of me. I take the hand extended out to me and turn to see a familiar face. Jesus is walking beside me. He smiles and tilts His head back with laughter as we head down the path together.

- run for life