turmoil

Inner turmoil, heart pounding, conflicting thoughts running through my mind. 100 degree weather outside and warmer temperatures expected tomorrow muddle my mind. Perhaps I think too highly of myself and my influence on others. Friends falling, tumbling down the wrong path, stumbling, unable to stand on their own. Jail, drugs, alcohol, and sex are king. Why do I think I can help them? Why do I care so much? The answers to these questions I know. What I don't know is how this plays into my future and God's will.

What are all these overwhelming emotions? Home with the glorious waters and cool breeze. Hanging out with my friends, attempting to represent You. I do it faultily, broken and alone. Who knows if anything will come of it? I fit in... but do I? I try to live differently. Can they see it? Do they care? What is Your plan? Was I too hasty? Questions and feelings in direct opposition to one another choke my heart and mind. I need clarity, I need Your vision, I need guidance and direction. I need a Savior. I need You.

- run for life friends.

help!

I am so weak Lord. Please help me to be stronger. My flesh is very weak. I want to lean on You. God please help me to be satisfied with what You've given me. Please help me to be content. Please help me to glorify You through the gifts You've given me. I feel like I am failing You, especially on the running front. I need to get back in shape and glorify You through that gift You have given me. I should have done more in high school... I should have tried harder in college. God please help me to serve others and to use the talents You have given me for Your good works and Your kingdom. God please help me to get well. I feel so sick and am coughing constantly. It's so hard for me to go to sleep. I am having trouble breathing and I know others can hear my coughs through closed doors. God please help me with my life.

ps: Inside Bay Area article for Kim
Daily Cal Article for Kim

Hi friends,

I just found out that my friend Kim Hoang passed away this morning at 2:50AM in Oakland, California. She was a passenger in a vehicle, both drivers were cited for driving under the influence. They were driving back home after her 22nd birthday party. If you could pray for her and her family & friends that would be wonderful, the service is in San Leandro, California this Saturday, November 10, 2007. Unfortunately I won't be able to attend, but I am running the Richmond Marathon that day so I will be running in memory of her.

Kim Hoang - resident of San Leandro, California - SLHS Class of '03
November 4, 1985-November 5, 2007

Also, remind everyone you know that driving under the influence is never a good idea no matter who you are or where you are. It's not worth it, call a cab or find a designated driver. Don't let your friends drink and drive and don't do it!!!

NO ONE is immune to car accidents, whether or not you are the one who has been drinking.

I thank you for your prayers on behalf of Kim's family and friends,
Jilly O

Dear God,

Please help me to find some friends that are my age or friends that I can talk to on the same intellectual level as myself. I'm sorry I'm tired/frustrated with the role of a "counselor." I feel like I need good conversation with people who are where I am in my stage of life in order to grow more. If You want me to be a counselor I can, I mean I guess I'm good at it, but if it's all right with You, I would appreciate it verymuch if You would place some people in my life I can grow close to.

One day I'd like to get married too, but that's a whole other subject. I figured I'd just let you know.

Have a fabulous day! Thanks for making mine!

love,
Jill

in the end

I feel like God's put me in a situation where all I can do it trust. It's like the song: I put my trust in you, pushed as far as I can go. For all this, there's only one thing you should know. I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter. However, it's different than the song suggests of course. I put my trust in the Lord, I push as far as I can go to the limits of myself and push a little farther, trying to have faith that God will see me through. I try hard, I get far, but in the end - only God matters and nothing else matters. All the worldly things we're trying to do and accomplish don't really matter. The only thing that matters is God and eternity.

I'm trusting God with a bunch of stuff right now:
-I will have the capacity to stay strong and finish this internship on time.
-My car will be fixed and paid for some how.
-This living situation will continue to be a blessing for both myself and the family.
-I can make it to and from Farmville Monday through Thursday for the next 7 months.
-I can survive with few friends and many acquaintances here in Virginia, or that He will provide people to be my friends around me.
-I will be safe and my heart will be protected.
-One day I may have a husband and children, but for now I am doing what I think God has planned for me and trying my best.
-I won't hurt anyone in the hospital.
-Even though I hate hospitals, I can survive this Clinical Rotation and more rotations in hospitals in Farmville and Petersburg.
-I will be able to finish the Richmond Marathon with joy.
-I will be able to get a job.
-I'll be able to get home safely after this is over.
-I will continue to allow God to use me and put me in places I don't really know or feel as comfortable as I could in.

God has done some amazing things. A family I just met a few weeks ago is letting me use one of their cars until I can get my head lights fixed because I have to drive very early in the morning and late at night on Thursday (I won't get done until 9PM tomorrow). I have been safe and all right sleeping in my car. I did get hit by a cop, but I'm praying that their insurance will cover everything, because I was just going straight in my lane. I pray that everything will turn out all right, because I can't afford to pay for it.

I am praying that my insurance will all be all right, I'm worried about all this other stuff that has been going on with the DMV processing and all that. It's so frustrating and I have so little time when I'm here in Virginia. I can't have my car registration be cancelled! I can't have my insurance stop! God please help me! God please help me to find a van pool or car pool if that is Your will. I don't mind paying a little extra if I can meet new people and get a ride to the hospital instead of driving every day. Please help me to find strength and comfort in You and please help me to become what You created me to be.

feelings.

What's the matter with feelings? I am apprehensive to start tomorrow. I hope that I can get to the right place! I am leaving 2 hours early even though it's only supposed to take 1 hour to get there. (6:30am!) That's early. I will probably be closer to 7am leaving here but I want to wake up at 6:25am and then eat and go. I am worried that I will get lost or confused again and frustrated.

I am trying to push my fear of hospitals and give it to You God. I want to do this to glorify You and I hope that I can serve with a joyful heart. I know I have to do things I don't enjoy for the big picture, to get to the goal. I know that You have amazing things planned for me and I want to honor that by getting through this internship. Please help me to go into this with a heart of service and a heart that wants to learn and help the people I may come across.

Please watch out for me. Please help Anita over in Japan too. I hope everything is going well out there. I hope that dad and mom have a safe trip to Japan too. I hope that their visit is beneficial to everyone and that they can be happy when dad meets his grandkids.