Wednesday, December 1, 2010

over reacting

I think I have high expectations for myself. I expect myself to have good will power and self control as well as drive and focus. I often become prideful and forget to give myself to God. My thought is that I am strong and have good morals and character and I so often loose the main thing in my life. The reason I even have anything. God is definitely the reason I am still living. I'm not sure why I'm here specifically, but I know that God has a purpose for myself. I often wonder what that purpose is as I feel like I'm floundering through parts of life, but I know His plans for me are for my good.

For my friends, I expect them to treat me with respect and be there for me when I need them. I guess I have high expectations of those close to me and get frustrated when they are not met. Perhaps it is my fault for having high expectations? Maybe I shouldn't become frustrated and I should act like nothing has happened? I don't think that's okay. I don't want to be a doormat to anyone. All of my closest friends who have been close friends for more than a year are great and even though there may be little things here and there... we haven't ever had any arguments or problems.

I guess it's easier like my sister said, because we're all like-minded. We think alike and therefore agree with each other on big issues and then the little things are easy to brush away.

With a boyfriend, I guess you're supposed to do the same thing. Treat him like a best friend and let the little things go... but I don't want the little things to keep happening when they clearly bother me. Oh, who knows. Maybe I should just move to Alaska or Montana and find myself a mountain man who just loves the outdoors and stays away from the crazy worldly lures of television, movies and other advertisements. I guess it's hard because I know those are bad and I don't like television and I rarely watch movies because I don't want to support them. I don't like advertisements on television telling me I need some 'thing' to make my life better. God has made my life great and I don't need to clutter it up with 'stuff.'

Sometimes I wonder if things are worth it. I do need to work on how I say things and my requests. It's hard when people don't want to even talk about things or listen to what I have to say or keep saying they don't understand. I don't think I'm that difficult to understand. When people already are plotting their argument or plan of attack... they're NEVER going to understand what the other person is saying. That is why it's important to listen and understand (or at least try to) and then respond... not formulate a response before the other person even finishes their thought.

God I need help. I don't know what to do sometimes.
- run for life

No comments: