modesty

I don't often find myself baffled, but tonight I was. I always thought I dressed modestly, but that was on a different set of standards I suppose. I wear comfortable clothes for the most part: yoga pants, track pants, work out pants, guys' shorts, jeans, t-shirts, guys' a-shirts, sweatshirts, tank tops. However, I do wear tank tops that have spaghetti straps, halter tops, strapless dresses (if I have to wear a dress), but I don't show cleavage (partly because I have none, partly because I wouldn't even if I did) or my behind like a lot of people at home do. Here it's a different case. It's the "Bible-Belt-South" and it's quite conservative. Now, when I say conservative, I mean it. The church I go to is cool because they are all into Jesus, but I feel like such a terrible person when I walk in because I am friends with lots of "sinners" being a sinner myself and even though I try I fail so often. I know that's why I need Jesus and I am super thankful for Him. I just feel like I don't measure up to the ideals and standards that are set within the church. Mothers home school their children, or at least 50% of them do, that's a lot-it used to be higher before the church got bigger. These stay at home mothers are home makers, nothing is wrong with that and I wouldn't mind it but it's definately nothing like that in California. I feel like I have to wear a collared shirt and cover everything up all the time. It's weird. Having part of your back show can be considered im-modest. (Is that a word?) Maybe I'm just weirded out by something that doesn't matter. I mean, I usually don't care much about what people think, but I don't want to portray myself as a heathen slut or anything because I definately am not and would not like to be treated as such. I'm probably over reacting.

closing in

Clinical rotations were the only ones I was really worried about...mainly because I hate hospitals and they're the longest!

I am 7 clinical days away from finishing my clinical II rotation! Woo hoo! I have 3 days this week and then 4 next week and I'm done! I feel like I've been at SCH forever, I really like the people, but I just feel sad when people pass away and 99% of the people I see are very sick! I do enjoy the one person who says thank you or appreciates I come see them, but most of them don't care and don't want to see me. :( It's very discouraging.

I finish December 6. I've gotta buckle down and finish up!

Happy Turkey Day

I am thankful.

good girls

I remember people thinking I was a goody-two shoes in school. I just did what I was told, what's wrong with that? So now a days, I don't drink, don't swear or curse; I have self control. Why do I get so annoyed when people tell me I come across as a "good" girl? I guess they just mean they think I am person with morals? I don't really know what that means, but I have sinful thoughts just like everyone else. Obviously I try not to act on them, but sometimes I don't always turn to God first. Why are there categories that people are put in? What happened to the middle ground? I like to have fun, I don't like to break rules, laws, or hurt myself or others. You can have fun and still obey God. I like to enjoy myself, do out of the ordinary things. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too sensitive or I am taking it the wrong way. Humph.

hmph

Still sick. This weekend was very full. I fell asleep at the wheel again. That's bad. I was driving to Farmville Saturday morning for the Diabetes Awareness Day and totally fell asleep. I was up late making my poster, had to get there at 7:00AM (leave by 6:00AM), freezing cold, etc. It wasn't great driving times for me. I think the awareness day was a success though. People liked my poster that I made and there were a lot of people there. That was good. I have a bunch of homework I need to get done while I'm in Farmville.

I'm really tired. Today was fun though, I went to the Bishop's and Shaina made us lunch and dessert. :) Rebecca, Lydia, Jessica, and I were the guests and it was quite delicious. It was fun to hang out with people in a smaller group than at church or Resolved. I think I will eat in a little bit and then go to sleep. I hope I can get well soon. God please help me to be able to breathe again! Thanks!

I wrote this list when I turned 21

It's been over 3 years...how am I doing?

stuff I'd like to accomplish (or do)

1. Tandem Race Across America - who's down?! 2900+ miles biking through 60-110+ deg.F whoo hoo!

2. Haleakala Marathon on Maui without passing out and much faster than P.Diddy did the NY Marathon.

x3. graduate from Poly in Nutrition - yay super-duper-seniors!

I have a lot of new good friends... I don't know if I can quantify them, so maybe I should revise when I turn 25
4. meet a new buddy every month and get to know them really well. (12 new good friends a year!)

I may change this to Masters in Nutrition and personal trainer's certificate
5. get my masters in either Nutrition or Physical Therapy

I need to do this so bad
6. become a member of the sub-5 club and break 18:20 in the 5k

CA/VA down, 48 states, 6 continents to go (MD, NC, DE will be done by May '08)
7. run a marathon on EVERY continent and a marathon in all 50 states.

I think this is a weird goal since I want to do Race Across America... or at least ride my bike across coast to coast so I'll probably get rid of this
8. ride my bike across every state.

I'm getting better... but definately not as good as I was
9. find my baller skills in basketball. (I have some somewhere-I just lost them for a bit)

this one may take a while, and if they become Fremont, I don't know what I'll do.
10. watch the A's win the World Series 5x in a row. die hard Oakland (A's) for life baby! go to every mlb park.

11. get married - first I have to get over my fear of commitment - oh and find a guy who'd want marry me, that might be a slight set back.
12. have 2 or 3 kids, at least one boy and one girl - see above. (and be an awesome mom!)
13. backpack through Europe.
14. visit Jeffery and Jacques in South Africa.
x 15. learn how to surf.

I can play... I just need to get the really well part down.
16. learn how to play the guitar really well.

I need to get crackin'
17. climb every mountain.

This requires getting a pilot's license... I got my bartending license... I guess that's different, plane licensure is really expensive, I rode with Aidan in a 2 seater, that was fun...
18. fly an airplane.

x 19. sky dive.
20. get a super fly job where I can share God's word & interact with people.
21. design & decorate my own house to live in with my husband and kids.

*I don't know if I should set a specific deadline, but before I die I want to do everything! (*if God wants me to).

So I've completed 3/21 goals in 3 years. That's not bad. Some of the numbers will take years because there are so many points! When I turn 25, I will revise my goals and set new ones, for now I can keep working on the ones I've got. I should probably get going on number 11 if number 12 is ever going to happen, ha ha. I just want God's will to be done... and of course have fun while doing it. :)

fifty nifty

I am looking at different marathons in various states. I believe I am going to try to do Maryland and North Carolina back to back on March 1 & March 8 of next year. I am also looking at a marathon in Delaware the day after I graduate from Virginia State University. Since I don't care so much about time I am looking forward to this! I never thought I would feel this excited about racing and having terrible times to boot, but I am stoaked. I don't care how slow these races are run as long as I get all the states in.

I would like to be in better shape, at least running shape as opposed to Jill-super-out-of-shape-and-sick shape. So, my plan is to start running now so that I can just pick a marathon and run it whenever I feel like... I guess that's a weird plan, but whatever! I'm a weird person. If I get MD, NC, and DE out of the way, that will be 5 states before I'm 25 and then I still have the whole summer to traverse across the country and run in various states as I go to baseball parks and run marathons. I think that sounds like a fabulous idea. I need to figure out a better recovery plan though. I am so glad I found couch surfing and I have to drive home. I need to coordinate my schedule for baseball games with my marathon schedule and this will be the best trip home ever!

help!

I am so weak Lord. Please help me to be stronger. My flesh is very weak. I want to lean on You. God please help me to be satisfied with what You've given me. Please help me to be content. Please help me to glorify You through the gifts You've given me. I feel like I am failing You, especially on the running front. I need to get back in shape and glorify You through that gift You have given me. I should have done more in high school... I should have tried harder in college. God please help me to serve others and to use the talents You have given me for Your good works and Your kingdom. God please help me to get well. I feel so sick and am coughing constantly. It's so hard for me to go to sleep. I am having trouble breathing and I know others can hear my coughs through closed doors. God please help me with my life.

ps: Inside Bay Area article for Kim
Daily Cal Article for Kim

wingin' it

So I ran the Sun Trust Marathon, it was the 30th annual Richmond Marathon, supposedly "America's Friendlist Marathon." I think I'm one of the craziest people I know. I didn't train all summer because my neck hurt. I didn't train when I drove across the country because I didn't have time. I didn't train much during school because I have been really busy and I didn't want to run in the dark. ...then the day rolled around and I did it anyway. I ran more than 1.5 minutes per hour slower than last time and last time I was dehydrated before I started.

Today was ... un-fun, but I finished. I didn't train, I was sick, I didn't know when the race actually started, I started my period last night. I think I may be one of the only people who has ever done that and finished with a smile. I ran with Samantha, she's from Richmond, it was her first marathon... I'm so glad God brought us together around the half-way point, because I don't know if either of us would have been able to be so happy at the end. We pushed each other and encouraged each other. It was good times.

RIP Kim, I ran it for you.

I am a runner.

26.2

again. I wonder sometimes why I like to push myself so much. Maybe it's because I like the feeling of accomplishment, or being able to do things ordinary people are afraid of. I've always wanted to be special, to stand out, it's hard when you're a small little Asian girl I guess.

It's raining outside. It was raining really hard yesterday. I was getting sunscreen ready yesterday and now I have a garbage bag that I will poke holes in for my arms to run in. I think it will be fun to run as a raisin. I have to check in and figure out where to go and all that tomorrow, but I just follow the signs and run with recklessness. Jessi and Katrice are serious about this thing, I feel like an amateur. I think I'm just really, really weird. Nobody else just runs marathons without training for them. Why would anyone do that to themselves? Yeah, I think that classifies as crazy.

So, Kim this is for you. I miss you. I hope that you are in heaven smiling down, please tell Jesus I hope that I don't get more sick, staying the same amount of sick is fine and getting my dot today of all days is all right too, but please keep me safe and from getting more sick during this race. I know that you always wished you could run a marathon and I know you and Jesus will be with me every step of the way.

26.2 starts with one step, a lot of determination... and a little bit of crazy.

yoga-ng

Yoga was really fun. We had to relax our entire bodies for one part and I was REALLY relaxed... and I ripped a big one and I almost started laughing but I thought to myself... everyone will know it was me if I laughed ... so I tried to relax again and then I almost fell asleep, but man-that was hilarious. I wasn't embarassed and it didn't smell, wow, that was so funny.

Oh, and it was cool because I knew another girl there, one of the physical therapy girls goes to yoga on Wednesday and lives in Farmville too. I was kind of shocked that I knew someone there since only 12 people were there and I didn't think I knew anyone in Farmville, ha ha.

In all, my yoga-ng experience was good. It's cool because you get a strengthening feeling when you're done, but you don't get sore! I think I still like pilates more, but it was fun to go with Pamela and see Tiffany there. I feel sleepy now though, my body is more relaxed and I like the feeling of my blood pumping through my extremities. I think I'm going to go to bed soon, even though I don't have to get up at 5:45AM tomorrow, I am still sick so I need to treat my body kindly!

lesson of the day: yoga is cool. (as Connor always says, "cool is better than sweet.")

appola

I decided to try a new recipe. Well, it wasn't really a recipe. I made what I have named "appola," I mixed oatmeal, diced apple, a little bit of brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg into a bowl and baked it in pans. It's a variation off a apple crisp recipe I made a few weeks ago... but then changed and made better and then tried to make it healthier. I cut out a lot of the sugar and put only a little butter. It's a pretty good snack. I was a fan, it tastes best warm. If you'd like to know the proportions in more detail... let me know so I can try making it again and measure at least one or two ingredients! I kind of eyeball things and taste it to see if it's going all right. I think my first variation was the best. I made apple crisp-ish desserts in muffin tins so they were individual and tasted delicious, I'm sure they weren't as healthy as my appola.

I met the lady in Farmville, she's great! I'm actually really excited to stay in Farmville and do yoga and help her get started running. God is always working in little ways and big ways in the world. Its the cutest little log cabin ever, the key is a skeleton key... I get to use a real skeleton key for a log cabin that was built 100 years ago! It's awesome. It's original too. I'm so excited. I have a new friend in Farmville of all places. I met her sister and her niece as well, they were nice too.

Anyway, I'm hoping I will get my car back on Thursday and drop off my rental Thursday so I can go to Yoga on Wednesday, but I like doing the why weight? class on Thursdays at 4:30pm, and the rental place and English closes at 5pm! Argh. I wonder if someone could pick it up for me? Hmmm... I have the check, I could just sign it off. We'll see, God help everything to work out the way You would like it to! Thanks. I should call Ken too, I will do that and go to sleep. It's LATE! I was at the Jones' house hanging out with some of the girls from church, it was fun, I need to talk less and listen more though! When I get nervous I talk though, I don't like the silence...

Hi friends,

I just found out that my friend Kim Hoang passed away this morning at 2:50AM in Oakland, California. She was a passenger in a vehicle, both drivers were cited for driving under the influence. They were driving back home after her 22nd birthday party. If you could pray for her and her family & friends that would be wonderful, the service is in San Leandro, California this Saturday, November 10, 2007. Unfortunately I won't be able to attend, but I am running the Richmond Marathon that day so I will be running in memory of her.

Kim Hoang - resident of San Leandro, California - SLHS Class of '03
November 4, 1985-November 5, 2007

Also, remind everyone you know that driving under the influence is never a good idea no matter who you are or where you are. It's not worth it, call a cab or find a designated driver. Don't let your friends drink and drive and don't do it!!!

NO ONE is immune to car accidents, whether or not you are the one who has been drinking.

I thank you for your prayers on behalf of Kim's family and friends,
Jilly O

another one

Whoo, the lady from Farmville sounds awesome. I would be staying with her Monday-Wednesday nights starting next Monday. I was so excited to hear from her. God is definately working in my life, one miracle at a time, I can't get over it. I spoke with her on the phone today and she sounded really cool, I'm excited to meet her tomorrow. I don't want to get her sick or anything though, so I am going to drive the beetle to and from the hospital for now. I am kind of excited. God is doing some amazing things.

I hope that I can do something for her or God will use me in some way to pay back all of these generous people who have been helping me out in my life. It's great to know that all of these people are willing to help out others. Thank you God for doing all of this. You're great!

I feel kind of sick, like I have the flu! Argh! I thought the flu shot was supposed to help me from getting the flu... not give it to me. I have been coughing and my stomach cramping and all that. Terrible! Grr..! I hope that I'll be all right the next few days.

Virginia blues

My arm hurts really bad, I got a flu shot today. They burn really bad when they stick you and hurt like a tetnus shot even if you exercise your arm a lot.

I am being cranky, I need to lighten up! Seriously! I feel sore, tired and frustrated. I need to sleep. I miss home and all my friends. I need God to help me out here big time.