Thursday, January 22, 2009


Consistent. Certain circumstances have tossed me into a heap of confusion. For me this turns me to the Truth. My heart hurts, my mind is disoriented and my body is plagued with issues. The only thing that keeps me focused properly is faith. Believe. One might say for me to be living up to my name - believing in the Hero.

I am not perfect, nor never will be. It's only 22 days into the new year and I've already missed 2 days of quiet times. The percentage can get smaller, but I'm kind of glad it will never be perfect because I feel like that would develop into pride and Satan would be able to attack me in that manner.

The joy that reading every morning brings is so unlike any other joy throughout the day. I pray that this burning desire will be fueled more and more each day. I pray that God will use what I'm gleaning and teach me more about Himself, His glory, and promises.

With all things in life, whether we originally perceive them as good or bad, 'All things work for the glory of God for those who love Him'-Rom 8:28. Therefore even if things may seem bad, because I trust Him and love Him, God will be glorified somehow. Even if I don't see it right away, a week from now, a month from now, sometimes it may be years from now that I will figure out what God was trying to do. I feel like I am cultivating this aspect of my life more. My responses initially may be negative, but I remind myself of the truth-that God is working through the circumstances that I may not appreciate or enjoy. (We discussed this at women's CG last week, it was interesting because everything people were saying are things I tell myself on a daily basis.)

How easily we forget! Daily, hourly, even minute reminders would help immensely. Reading through Genesis and Exodus (I'm just going straight through until the end like I did when I was a kid) I can quickly judge the Israelites and scoff at them, pridefully (sinfully) thinking, "how could they grumble and complain, wish to be back in slavery, or horde manna when God clearly has shown them sign after sign of His power?" Then I look at my own broken, sinful, shameful human existence and realize to my own dismay and sadness that I do exactly the same thing. I was the one who drove the nails into Christ's hands and feet. It was my sin that held Him there. He went through so much pain because I wasn't satisfied with what God had given me, because I wanted more, because I was jealous, because I coveted, because I judged, because I sinned.

Oh, how glad I am that the Holy Spirit entered my heart and opened my eyes. How much I rejoice that Jesus was the ultimate gift of love-for me. How could God love me? Once because He made me, and twice because He bought me-with the blood of Christ.

When I remember these things daily, other worries or anxieties that I had seem insignificant. I know that God's plan is best. I will follow where ever He leads me. Regardless of where He asks me to go, what He asks me to do, I know that He will give me grace and the talents and gifts to glorify Him through whatever task, where ever. I praise Him for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank You Lord for choosing me. Thank You for adding kindling to the fire, so that I yearn to know more about You. So that I have to learn more about You. That it is a desire of my own free will to read Your word and invest more time with You. I thank You that You have integrated continuous prayer in my life from a young age, where I feel as though You are my most constant friend, my best friend. I talk to You daily, throughout all my activities and life. It's more of an open-on going conversation. I know You are listening. I know You answer my prayers. My spoken and unspoken prayers. I know You will answer the longings of my heart.

-run for life

Monday, January 12, 2009

so fresh, so clean

Spare time is so few and far between.  From attempting to spend time with friends and get work and school done, I feel like the 'processing' time is short.  

A new year signals to many a new beginning, a re-birth if you will.  To me it is another year.  Each day I look forward to a new beginning, each moment I praise God for giving me yet another chance.  Oh how I am so glad that Jesus' blood covers past, present, and future.  I could never make it even a fraction of an hour without Him.

To review 2008:  the year was filled with ups and downs.  Life changing decisions hindered on what God would reveal to me in His time.  I prayed continuously, listening intently for His voice.  I completed a few more life goals, visited more ballparks and missed friends from home.

After my dietetic internship, I passed the RD exam on 7/11 and caught a firefly the next night.  I got my first salaried, full-time job in Petersburg, VA and have benefits.  I now have health insurance again!  God has been so apparent and has blessed me with everything I could ask for, everything I need.  I got a job at the YMCA as a group exercise instructor and am hoping to start teaching in March.  Currently I am enjoying the free membership that being an employee brings.  I ran in the pool and swam today.  It is a lot harder than I remember!  I'm still waiting on my new Supernovas to come in the mail so I can run.

Na was amazing and I listened to John Piper live for the first time.  It was so delightful to hear from someone so candid who trusts so much in the Lord.  I was very encouraged and convicted all at the same time.

I started my graduate classes at Northeastern and will receive tuition assistance this year as a benefit from my job.

I still have allergies and get sick often.  I'm still praying that I will feel better physically soon.  Maybe I'll be able to sing again one day?  My throat is so sore it's been painful to talk over the past week.  I've been sucking regularly on cough drops in a feeble attempt to soothe my throat to no avail.

God has some marvelous plans I can feel Him preparing my heart and soul for something I cannot imagine.  I have been more emotional over this past year than I've ever been in my life.  I think it's got something to do with being so far from anything I know-it's like being in a foreign land.  (I mean, I did see an ice scraper for the first time in my life about a week ago.)

My verse of the year was Proverbs 19:21-Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.  All of my plans and good intentions are just that-plans and intentions.  The Lord's purpose trumps all of these and His plan is only for our good so I will continue to put my trust in Him daily and to life according to His will.  Though it is sometimes difficult and I get weary, He will continue to lift me up and guide my steps.

Here's to 2009.  More opportunities to share about Christ's love.  More chances to seek His face and live for Him.  I shall continue in my pursuit of glorifying Him.  With His help I will persevere through physical suffering, emotional trauma, and spiritual adversaries to sit at His feet.  My focus is only on You Lord, my Father.  I praise Your wonderful name and take in Your beautiful splendor.  Thank You for getting me through a difficult year.  I know that You will take me through another which will probably be just as hard.

-Live Simply, Live Fully.  Live for Him, Live like Jesus.  Run for Life.