Sometimes I get frustrated about life. Sometimes I wonder why things have to be so difficult or so hard. I think it's because as humans we always think of ourselves. We're always right, our feelings are always right to ourselves.
I try to discern what's right, I try my best to live the way Jesus wants me to. I think I need to be more patient with others and remain calmer... though I have been doing better. I've been learning how to express my feelings a little more and how to more appropriately express my concerns.
I guess sometimes I feel like it's difficult. I know that everyone has to change, myself included. I know change hurts and it's not the most fun experience... but as the saying goes... "no pain, no gain" right? I think my biggest fear is to be taken advantage of. I think I am a nice person, I like to do things for others, I just don't want people think that that's my job... Perhaps I should think of it different. I need to remember that I'm first serving God and not anyone else or myself.
-run for life
Showing posts with label thots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thots. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
one step at a time
I really dislike applying for jobs and looking for jobs. I feel like I'm being scrutinized down to my very core. I don't like bragging about myself other than sarcastically and it's difficult to get your story across in the first 30 minutes of meeting someone. It really is all about the first impression.
I updated my resume and began to look for anything available online. I am not sure where to even begin. The place in San Luis Obispo is empty, I could live there. I could live back at home. I could live in an apartment for the very first time ever. I'd be on my own... weird. I never thought about that until I was talking to Kelly and realized I've never actually 100% lived on my own. I've never rented my own apartment or place without my parent's owning it or living with another family.
I do like community and I do like being extroverted... but I guess I'm finding out that I do need some introvert time and figure out what I'm going to do. I thought about beginning my own dietitian or nutrition counseling services. I wonder if the gyms around have any openings or are deciding that they need a dietitian. I don't know how I go about looking for those jobs. It's quite frustrating. All the jobs posted are clinical. I want to work on my CSSD and get experience more along the lines of nutrition and fitness rather than CNSD or being a diabetes educator.
While I think it's important to help treat people and help them figure out how to control their blood sugar and diet... I also believe prevention is key. We need people starting NOW on the forefront of preventative diet and exercise. Not necessarily 'weight loss' diet, but a healthy diet. If people are always looking to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis... it would be a much better place. We wouldn't have as many people struggling with complications of obesity such as heart problems, COPD, diabetes, and sleep apnea. It's more difficult to loose 20-30 pounds and keep it off than it is to maintain your weight year after year. They say the average person gains 3-5 pounds a year and over 7 or 8 years, that's 21-40 pounds! The yo-yo diets and 'quick' fixes are abundant in our society today. We need to convince people that they can live a healthy life day by day and they don't need to get drawn in by the advertisements.
It's so frustrating to see those ads and know that thousands will spend their money hoping for a change... only to have their hopes dashed.
Change takes time. Old habits die hard and it takes time for new habits to form. One step at a time can help someone get to a healthy lifestyle of a balanced diet and regular exercise...
- run for life
I updated my resume and began to look for anything available online. I am not sure where to even begin. The place in San Luis Obispo is empty, I could live there. I could live back at home. I could live in an apartment for the very first time ever. I'd be on my own... weird. I never thought about that until I was talking to Kelly and realized I've never actually 100% lived on my own. I've never rented my own apartment or place without my parent's owning it or living with another family.
I do like community and I do like being extroverted... but I guess I'm finding out that I do need some introvert time and figure out what I'm going to do. I thought about beginning my own dietitian or nutrition counseling services. I wonder if the gyms around have any openings or are deciding that they need a dietitian. I don't know how I go about looking for those jobs. It's quite frustrating. All the jobs posted are clinical. I want to work on my CSSD and get experience more along the lines of nutrition and fitness rather than CNSD or being a diabetes educator.
While I think it's important to help treat people and help them figure out how to control their blood sugar and diet... I also believe prevention is key. We need people starting NOW on the forefront of preventative diet and exercise. Not necessarily 'weight loss' diet, but a healthy diet. If people are always looking to eat healthy and exercise on a regular basis... it would be a much better place. We wouldn't have as many people struggling with complications of obesity such as heart problems, COPD, diabetes, and sleep apnea. It's more difficult to loose 20-30 pounds and keep it off than it is to maintain your weight year after year. They say the average person gains 3-5 pounds a year and over 7 or 8 years, that's 21-40 pounds! The yo-yo diets and 'quick' fixes are abundant in our society today. We need to convince people that they can live a healthy life day by day and they don't need to get drawn in by the advertisements.
It's so frustrating to see those ads and know that thousands will spend their money hoping for a change... only to have their hopes dashed.
Change takes time. Old habits die hard and it takes time for new habits to form. One step at a time can help someone get to a healthy lifestyle of a balanced diet and regular exercise...
- run for life
Sunday, October 10, 2010
plans
I feel like I always have plans. Plans to do this, to go there or be here. I make plans ahead in the future and as soon as I don't have plans or plans don't go as planned... I make more. Is that the way it should be? Should I be more spontaneous? I like being spontaneous, but I also like getting things done and I like to get early bird discounts on things like marathons and runs.
The planner is usually someone who is organized and likes stability. I do like being organized. I do like knowing when things are going to happen and with whom. I feel like my life is all mixed up right now. I don't like when things don't go according to plan. However, I do like to be free and I do like to be able to go where I want, when I want.
If someone else is involved in the decision making process, I feel like it's harder to do things and go places. So far this summer was fine. I felt like I got to do what I wanted to do. Traveling costs are higher when there is more than one person involved and most people like to sleep on beds and are opposed to sleeping in the car like I do on a regular basis (it's really not that bad if you're short).
On the other hand, if someone else is involved, it makes for a good time. I like having someone else along to help drive if it's a road trip and talk to to keep me awake when I am driving. I enjoy singing along to music with someone else... more than just by myself. I always make new friends while running marathons because I would be bored otherwise. Having someone along side makes the miles pass by instead of trudge along. The rain pelting down on me during the Knoxville marathon was disheartening, but a man named Jack ran with me for the last 5 miles because he said I was encouraging and that helped me a lot. I was cheering and thanking everyone along the way. While I am quite motivating and encouraging, some even would go as far as inspiring, I do need motivation myself. I do need someone to encourage me and back me up as well.
I'm a little afraid of this whole Mount Lemmon deal. It's advertised as the 'world's toughest road marathon' and is entirely uphill. Twenty six point two miles up. It's quite daunting. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking. Nathan will be there and we'll make it up step by step together. I know we can make it to the finish. I'm just not going to worry about time.
Time. It plays a big part in people's lives. Where will you spend your time? What's important to you? What are your priorities? I wonder often about God's timing. His plans. I always make plans, but I need to think more about His plans. I constantly come back to: many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. [Proverbs 19:21].
- run for life
The planner is usually someone who is organized and likes stability. I do like being organized. I do like knowing when things are going to happen and with whom. I feel like my life is all mixed up right now. I don't like when things don't go according to plan. However, I do like to be free and I do like to be able to go where I want, when I want.
If someone else is involved in the decision making process, I feel like it's harder to do things and go places. So far this summer was fine. I felt like I got to do what I wanted to do. Traveling costs are higher when there is more than one person involved and most people like to sleep on beds and are opposed to sleeping in the car like I do on a regular basis (it's really not that bad if you're short).
On the other hand, if someone else is involved, it makes for a good time. I like having someone else along to help drive if it's a road trip and talk to to keep me awake when I am driving. I enjoy singing along to music with someone else... more than just by myself. I always make new friends while running marathons because I would be bored otherwise. Having someone along side makes the miles pass by instead of trudge along. The rain pelting down on me during the Knoxville marathon was disheartening, but a man named Jack ran with me for the last 5 miles because he said I was encouraging and that helped me a lot. I was cheering and thanking everyone along the way. While I am quite motivating and encouraging, some even would go as far as inspiring, I do need motivation myself. I do need someone to encourage me and back me up as well.
I'm a little afraid of this whole Mount Lemmon deal. It's advertised as the 'world's toughest road marathon' and is entirely uphill. Twenty six point two miles up. It's quite daunting. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking. Nathan will be there and we'll make it up step by step together. I know we can make it to the finish. I'm just not going to worry about time.
Time. It plays a big part in people's lives. Where will you spend your time? What's important to you? What are your priorities? I wonder often about God's timing. His plans. I always make plans, but I need to think more about His plans. I constantly come back to: many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. [Proverbs 19:21].
- run for life
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
closer
I did what I was going to get done for the capstone class. I analyzed and analyzed and re-analyzed using the SPSS 17.0 program and lots of excel sheets. I am so tired of looking at spreadsheets. I wrote and wrote and created my presentation and poster. I turned my documents in and now it's up to the final grading and that's not my part! I'm sure I'll do fine, I am just glad it's over. Now I just need to work on the final draft of my eating disorders paper and turn it in. I'm so tired, I think I might sleep first and work on my paper later... I have to do my lecture slides or whatever for the interns at VSU on Friday too (I'm doing the RD exam review with them). Maybe I should do that now... since I want to print it out at work tomorrow and I'm going straight to VSU tomorrow morning and then going to work afterward.
So much to do... so little time. I always feel like I pack things in even when I don't try to. I have to work this weekend too. At least I get Tuesday off to chill and teach a fitness conditioning class. I think that class will be fun.
Well, I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to sleep now and work on the paper and RD review stuff tomorrow at work. Hopefully I can get it done before I leave. At least I have nothing planned tomorrow night.
Almost there!
- run for life
So much to do... so little time. I always feel like I pack things in even when I don't try to. I have to work this weekend too. At least I get Tuesday off to chill and teach a fitness conditioning class. I think that class will be fun.
Well, I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to sleep now and work on the paper and RD review stuff tomorrow at work. Hopefully I can get it done before I leave. At least I have nothing planned tomorrow night.
Almost there!
- run for life
Friday, March 26, 2010
stay warm
I usually keep a bag in Lazarus with blankets and small pillows for the random overnight in the car. I was super tuckered out after staying at work again on Tuesday night after presentations for health promotion class so when I got home, I took a shower and took a nap... or what I thought was going to be a nap. I didn't set my alarm because I figured I'd get up after a couple hours. I laid my head on my pillow around 4:30pm... and heard creaking overhead. I looked at my watch and it was 6:30... AM! I jumped up with a start and threw running clothes and a sweatshirt into my Arc'teryx and grabbed my backpack with my homework in it.
I ran up stairs and ate my fiber one with soy milk, went to the bathroom and headed to work. I got in around 7:15AM and went to work. I was hoping to get out so I could speak at the YMCA at 1PM. Luckily the census is down at the hospital and I was able to finish all my patients by 11AM and eat a snack before heading out to the Y. When I got there everyone was serving up food and eating. I joined in and the talk went well, there were lots of questions, but it was fun. Afterward I changed into more comfortable pants and hit the road to Knoxville.
I was getting tired early on the drive and ended up at the first Tennessee rest stop along 81 South from Virgina. I slept there... but it was freezing. Of course I had no blankets and I curled up in my sweatshirt with my jacket over me and was wearing all the pants I brought with me. It was still cold. I woke up at 8AM and went to the bathroom and got ready to hit the road again. I'm sitting in the visitor's center - just got a call from the person I'm supposed to couch surf with tonight and tomorrow night (so I have a place to stay at least that's inside and warm!).
Time to head out to another coffee shop and perhaps scrounge up some food for lunch/dinner. I should have brought more but I assumed I was going to an expo on Friday... but it turns out it's only tomorrow. Lame. Well, the forecast is showing rain Sunday so it'll be a cold run. At least it'll be warm in Lazarus on the drive back to Virginia. Note to self: don't forget the Girl Scout motto-"Be Prepared." Duh. Keep blankets in your car.
- run for life
I ran up stairs and ate my fiber one with soy milk, went to the bathroom and headed to work. I got in around 7:15AM and went to work. I was hoping to get out so I could speak at the YMCA at 1PM. Luckily the census is down at the hospital and I was able to finish all my patients by 11AM and eat a snack before heading out to the Y. When I got there everyone was serving up food and eating. I joined in and the talk went well, there were lots of questions, but it was fun. Afterward I changed into more comfortable pants and hit the road to Knoxville.
I was getting tired early on the drive and ended up at the first Tennessee rest stop along 81 South from Virgina. I slept there... but it was freezing. Of course I had no blankets and I curled up in my sweatshirt with my jacket over me and was wearing all the pants I brought with me. It was still cold. I woke up at 8AM and went to the bathroom and got ready to hit the road again. I'm sitting in the visitor's center - just got a call from the person I'm supposed to couch surf with tonight and tomorrow night (so I have a place to stay at least that's inside and warm!).
Time to head out to another coffee shop and perhaps scrounge up some food for lunch/dinner. I should have brought more but I assumed I was going to an expo on Friday... but it turns out it's only tomorrow. Lame. Well, the forecast is showing rain Sunday so it'll be a cold run. At least it'll be warm in Lazarus on the drive back to Virginia. Note to self: don't forget the Girl Scout motto-"Be Prepared." Duh. Keep blankets in your car.
- run for life
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
seeking approval
I told my dad tonight what I wanted to do next year. I tried to start out with the positives or things I thought he would like: 1) I'd be closer to home, 2) doing something I'd actually like doing, 3) trying to expand my horizons and figure out with vocational discernment what I want to do/what God made me to do in this life. He asked about money, and I told him I'd break even because they'd cover my expenses and he was not pleased. In fact, that was the end of the conversation. He told me he didn't like that and that I shouldn't waste my life doing things like mission trips that you don't get paid at and said bye.
I was so excited. I get so frustrated when I hear that. I know it's going to happen but at the same time I hope that maybe he'll understand. Life isn't all about money. I wish he'd understand one day, I am doubtful that will ever happen. At least I told him though. He can't say that I didn't tell him I was planning on "wasting a year of my life doing nothing." If that's what mission trips are and helping people is, wasting my life sounds good to me. My ideals are so different. I don't want to disobey or defy but I can't live the life my dad wants me to live. I still need to figure out how I can honor him at the same time as doing what I think God wants me to do. If only life were easy. He mentioned how I need to find a Chinese guy to marry again. Great. Thanks dad. Such great aspirations for me.
- run for life
I was so excited. I get so frustrated when I hear that. I know it's going to happen but at the same time I hope that maybe he'll understand. Life isn't all about money. I wish he'd understand one day, I am doubtful that will ever happen. At least I told him though. He can't say that I didn't tell him I was planning on "wasting a year of my life doing nothing." If that's what mission trips are and helping people is, wasting my life sounds good to me. My ideals are so different. I don't want to disobey or defy but I can't live the life my dad wants me to live. I still need to figure out how I can honor him at the same time as doing what I think God wants me to do. If only life were easy. He mentioned how I need to find a Chinese guy to marry again. Great. Thanks dad. Such great aspirations for me.
- run for life
a reason
I'm constantly amazed at how God works. I feel silly for attempting to plan anything. I am still planning on going to Peru one day. I'm still planning on driving home. There are some things that God must think are comical and my ridiculous organization of my life is probably one of them. Every weekend till I leave Virginia I'm gone or working. I can wait for these last 67 (since it's past midnight) days to go by quickly. There's a method to the madness that is life. There's a reason for everything, I just have to figure it out ... or not and just go with it. I'm glad I can usually do that. I was having a life crisis this morning. I went to work but when I called my boss earlier she said I didn't have to come in and I should take a day off, of course I went anyway when I was finishing my stuff. I'm not a big PTO user. I wonder if I'll get 80% pay out for left over vacation and PTO days. I need to make sure I don't use anymore...
I have some more homework to finish. I need to get crackin' on analyzing my stuff for my thesis. The other classes I have are almost done. I need to do the discussion boards for weeks 11 & 12 for both, edit/add to final paper for ED, give presentation tomorrow and write article 3 next week to be done with my health promotion and eating disorders classes. The whole thesis thing really shouldn't take me this long. I just need to get the analysis done... then I can write the paper and make the presentation and poster based on the paper. So close... yet I feel so far.
I'm so tired. It's past midnight again. I need to catch up on sleep after I'm done with school... Priorities post grad school: sleep, run, guitar...
- run for life
I have some more homework to finish. I need to get crackin' on analyzing my stuff for my thesis. The other classes I have are almost done. I need to do the discussion boards for weeks 11 & 12 for both, edit/add to final paper for ED, give presentation tomorrow and write article 3 next week to be done with my health promotion and eating disorders classes. The whole thesis thing really shouldn't take me this long. I just need to get the analysis done... then I can write the paper and make the presentation and poster based on the paper. So close... yet I feel so far.
I'm so tired. It's past midnight again. I need to catch up on sleep after I'm done with school... Priorities post grad school: sleep, run, guitar...
- run for life
Sunday, March 21, 2010
YAV Can 3
Everyone always says that things aren't going to turn out the way you planned them to be. It's completely true. (Or they say, "God has a sense of humor.") I originally wanted to join the Peace Corps and go to Latin America. That ended up not working due to interviewer issues (he was an interesting character). I decided based on that experience I wanted to do something faith based (still in South/Central America) instead.
I attempted to look up long term mission trips and searched google for days, asked pastors if they had any ideas about it and eventually decided I would apply for YAV through PC USA. They had Peru and Guatemala on their sites list and I thought Peru would be amazing. All of my application stuff was filled out and turned in before August '09 (including references). I was gearing up for Peru.
I had my initial interview with the YAV office staff and that went well I thought. That was in December. I intended to practice but when I decided to take more classes so I could finish grad school in April instead of the end of June... it got a little hectic. When you add flying home every other weekend for dad's birthday, sister's bridal shower, and sister's wedding and the regular traveling I do on top of that for marathons. Let's just say I was busy.
I had no time to practice Spanish. I hadn't really spoken a word since Guatemala in 2007. Basically I was terrible this weekend when I got here and I'm still not much better. For Guatemala you don't have to be fluent, for Peru you have to be before you go. The day we got here they showed a slide show of all the sites. I thought Tucson looked interesting. I hadn't looked at national sites and never considered them. It's near the boarder of Mexico so Spanish is recommended, but not required. You do go to Mexico a lot though. They have a Community Food Bank site where you get to work with Farmer's Market stuff and organic food as well as the food bank. I thought that sounded awesome and I went for a run with the site coordinator and asked about the program in Tucson. It was intriguing. I decided to interview with Tucson on Saturday afternoon. (I had already interviewed with Guat on Friday afternoon and was interviewing with Peru Saturday morning).
The interview for Peru was pretty much all in Spanish (so obviously I sucked, pretty much the worst interview I've ever had in my life). I could understand what she was saying, but I was so slow to answer when I was trying to think of how to formulate my answers in Spanish, it was pretty bad. I wanted the immersion experience so even though I didn't feel too great about Peru, I figured that's what I came here for.
My interview with Tucson went a lot better. I felt like I was able to be very honest and communicate what I was thinking a lot better (well obviously because I can speak English... :P ). I had a good conversation prior to the interview so that probably helped also. I felt quite comfortable with what it sounded like was going to be happening in Tucson, AZ (even though I'm not a big AZ fan, at least they have In-N-Out Burger! There's one that's like a half mile from where I'd live if I was in the community house).
We had to turn in our decision sheets and I thought about it and turned it in before hitting the trail with the site coordinator from Tucson and another YAV candidate. She had ranked Tucson high and was hoping to go.
We went to dinner afterward, I prayed that it was what God wanted and not what I wanted and that everything would work out. I was confused about what I was hoping for. It was internally conflicting.
We had our concluding worship and then we got our letters. I didn't look until I got out of the room. It was written that I was accepted at Tucson, but they encouraged me to look elsewhere in case I wanted to go to another national site. I didn't really see a need to and was wondering why they said that. I talked with the site coordinator and it was because I didn't put it as a one for my options.
The more I hear about Tucson, the more I think it will be a good experience and something I really need to do. I don't have to decide just yet if I am going to go or not which is nice and I don't need to raise as much money. I feel like I should be more disappointed about Peru since I was hoping to go for so long but I feel oddly relieved. I am just praying that God will work out the wedding situation. It looks like I will probably be able to run a marathon in AZ and TX next year as a YAV which would be awesome since I'll be there anyway. Riding bikes is grand, I will actually get into shape I think..! God needs to give me some good clear direction. Please do. More homework... annoying right now especially because my group members gave me incomplete information to work with and I can't really do anything until it's done... what the crap? I'm really frustrated right now... I'm going to sleep and then eat some breakfast and get things done soon after I hope...
- run for life
I attempted to look up long term mission trips and searched google for days, asked pastors if they had any ideas about it and eventually decided I would apply for YAV through PC USA. They had Peru and Guatemala on their sites list and I thought Peru would be amazing. All of my application stuff was filled out and turned in before August '09 (including references). I was gearing up for Peru.
I had my initial interview with the YAV office staff and that went well I thought. That was in December. I intended to practice but when I decided to take more classes so I could finish grad school in April instead of the end of June... it got a little hectic. When you add flying home every other weekend for dad's birthday, sister's bridal shower, and sister's wedding and the regular traveling I do on top of that for marathons. Let's just say I was busy.
I had no time to practice Spanish. I hadn't really spoken a word since Guatemala in 2007. Basically I was terrible this weekend when I got here and I'm still not much better. For Guatemala you don't have to be fluent, for Peru you have to be before you go. The day we got here they showed a slide show of all the sites. I thought Tucson looked interesting. I hadn't looked at national sites and never considered them. It's near the boarder of Mexico so Spanish is recommended, but not required. You do go to Mexico a lot though. They have a Community Food Bank site where you get to work with Farmer's Market stuff and organic food as well as the food bank. I thought that sounded awesome and I went for a run with the site coordinator and asked about the program in Tucson. It was intriguing. I decided to interview with Tucson on Saturday afternoon. (I had already interviewed with Guat on Friday afternoon and was interviewing with Peru Saturday morning).
The interview for Peru was pretty much all in Spanish (so obviously I sucked, pretty much the worst interview I've ever had in my life). I could understand what she was saying, but I was so slow to answer when I was trying to think of how to formulate my answers in Spanish, it was pretty bad. I wanted the immersion experience so even though I didn't feel too great about Peru, I figured that's what I came here for.
My interview with Tucson went a lot better. I felt like I was able to be very honest and communicate what I was thinking a lot better (well obviously because I can speak English... :P ). I had a good conversation prior to the interview so that probably helped also. I felt quite comfortable with what it sounded like was going to be happening in Tucson, AZ (even though I'm not a big AZ fan, at least they have In-N-Out Burger! There's one that's like a half mile from where I'd live if I was in the community house).
We had to turn in our decision sheets and I thought about it and turned it in before hitting the trail with the site coordinator from Tucson and another YAV candidate. She had ranked Tucson high and was hoping to go.
We went to dinner afterward, I prayed that it was what God wanted and not what I wanted and that everything would work out. I was confused about what I was hoping for. It was internally conflicting.
We had our concluding worship and then we got our letters. I didn't look until I got out of the room. It was written that I was accepted at Tucson, but they encouraged me to look elsewhere in case I wanted to go to another national site. I didn't really see a need to and was wondering why they said that. I talked with the site coordinator and it was because I didn't put it as a one for my options.
The more I hear about Tucson, the more I think it will be a good experience and something I really need to do. I don't have to decide just yet if I am going to go or not which is nice and I don't need to raise as much money. I feel like I should be more disappointed about Peru since I was hoping to go for so long but I feel oddly relieved. I am just praying that God will work out the wedding situation. It looks like I will probably be able to run a marathon in AZ and TX next year as a YAV which would be awesome since I'll be there anyway. Riding bikes is grand, I will actually get into shape I think..! God needs to give me some good clear direction. Please do. More homework... annoying right now especially because my group members gave me incomplete information to work with and I can't really do anything until it's done... what the crap? I'm really frustrated right now... I'm going to sleep and then eat some breakfast and get things done soon after I hope...
- run for life
Friday, March 19, 2010
YAV Can 2
All right. It's day 2 of the YAV Candidate retreat (hence the title of the entries "YAV Can" - YAV stands for Young Adult Volunteer). I ended up going to bed after 2AM because my roommate and I were talking about life and the future and everything. It was good times. We got up at 6:45AM to get to the dining hall for breakfast at 7AM. I was stoaked for waffles as they have the flipy/turning waffle iron here like they did in the Lighthouse when I was in the dorms at Poly. Amazing.
I had my two waffles topped with fresh strawberries and bananas and whoa, I was full. I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach. We went to our site presentations (so I went to Peru at 8:45AM and Guatemala at 9:45AM). Afterward we met with our small group and it was good conversation. One of the girls had both her interviews today and is leaving for a funeral - she had to make her decisions today before she left at 4:30... which is now. I pray that God leads her and gives her strength as she goes through this difficult time in her life.
We had lunch and then I had my Guatemala interview. It was interesting, honestly I'm still shooting for Peru. I was talking with my roommate again when we ran into each other in our room (I was getting ready for a run with the Tuscon coordinator to talk to him about Tuscon as a national site/hang out and she was going to her interview for South Korea). While we ran I liked that he wasn't trying to promote his site or push me in any direction in particular. I enjoy honesty. We discussed God's calling and he reminded me that it's also about what God made you to be passionate about, not just about trying so hard to discern what God wants you to do... because God gives you those emotions, passions and feelings for a reason. He doesn't want you to begrudgingly 'do His work' He wants you to LIVE for HIM. Why do I have to remind myself of that? It seems silly, it's what my blog is titled and I can't even remember, ha ha. Oh if I could remember everything I should (and that's when I have a pretty good memory to begin with).
I need to meet with one of the guys tonight and go over some Spanish questions they might as tomorrow in my Peru interview (9:45AM!). I'm still a little worried although every caution people mention about how hard life might be for the year you're gone... I've not gotten concerned at all. I feel like I've dealt with so many cultures and backgrounds including disabled adults, children, varying socioeconomic backgrounds, urban, metropolitan, rural, country, etc. I am a pretty chill/laid back person and I guess God made me that way for a reason. I am debating on whether or not I want to interview with Tuscon, it would be interesting to be on the boarder... but I really want to go be immersed in the culture and language, not just dip my toes in it. When it really comes down to it, people are right, it's 2 days - Al and Miriam's wedding days that I want to be home for. The rest of the time would be the daily grind and I honestly don't like the grind much... I want to see the world and live the dreams that God has given me to help people of all nations nutritionally, environmentally, ecologically, etc.
I am still praying about all of these choices in my life. I just need some clarity and to strip all of the other stuff away and get down to the heart of the matter. Where does God want me to be and where do I want to be?
- run for life.
I had my two waffles topped with fresh strawberries and bananas and whoa, I was full. I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach. We went to our site presentations (so I went to Peru at 8:45AM and Guatemala at 9:45AM). Afterward we met with our small group and it was good conversation. One of the girls had both her interviews today and is leaving for a funeral - she had to make her decisions today before she left at 4:30... which is now. I pray that God leads her and gives her strength as she goes through this difficult time in her life.
We had lunch and then I had my Guatemala interview. It was interesting, honestly I'm still shooting for Peru. I was talking with my roommate again when we ran into each other in our room (I was getting ready for a run with the Tuscon coordinator to talk to him about Tuscon as a national site/hang out and she was going to her interview for South Korea). While we ran I liked that he wasn't trying to promote his site or push me in any direction in particular. I enjoy honesty. We discussed God's calling and he reminded me that it's also about what God made you to be passionate about, not just about trying so hard to discern what God wants you to do... because God gives you those emotions, passions and feelings for a reason. He doesn't want you to begrudgingly 'do His work' He wants you to LIVE for HIM. Why do I have to remind myself of that? It seems silly, it's what my blog is titled and I can't even remember, ha ha. Oh if I could remember everything I should (and that's when I have a pretty good memory to begin with).
I need to meet with one of the guys tonight and go over some Spanish questions they might as tomorrow in my Peru interview (9:45AM!). I'm still a little worried although every caution people mention about how hard life might be for the year you're gone... I've not gotten concerned at all. I feel like I've dealt with so many cultures and backgrounds including disabled adults, children, varying socioeconomic backgrounds, urban, metropolitan, rural, country, etc. I am a pretty chill/laid back person and I guess God made me that way for a reason. I am debating on whether or not I want to interview with Tuscon, it would be interesting to be on the boarder... but I really want to go be immersed in the culture and language, not just dip my toes in it. When it really comes down to it, people are right, it's 2 days - Al and Miriam's wedding days that I want to be home for. The rest of the time would be the daily grind and I honestly don't like the grind much... I want to see the world and live the dreams that God has given me to help people of all nations nutritionally, environmentally, ecologically, etc.
I am still praying about all of these choices in my life. I just need some clarity and to strip all of the other stuff away and get down to the heart of the matter. Where does God want me to be and where do I want to be?
- run for life.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
YAV Can 1
I was really tired because I stayed up till 2AM doing my paper for ED class last night and when I got to Philly all I wanted was lunch. I ate some of the snacks I brought and updated my resume some more when I realized the wireless didn't work. I got on the plane and fell fast asleep. I woke up with a jolt and I thought they said we had arrived in Louisville... I deflated my neck pillow and got ready to deplane only to realize a minute later they said we were going to get ready to take off to Louisville, ugh! I was too tired to re-inflate my neck pillow so I just went to sleep on the window. I am plane spoiled by the way. JetBlue has really big comfy/cushier seats. US Airways plane was tiny. From Richmond to Philly there were two seats on either side of the aisle. From Philly to Louisville there was one seat on the left and two on the right. Weird right? Yeah, but their numbering system is even more strange. On the first plane I noticed the seats were numbered by row likea normal plane and then on the left were seats A and D... on the right were seats C and F. I have no idea why it was like that but that's what the signs said above every row. Weird.
When I got to Louisville I am so Presbyterian I fit in with the other YAV candidates. I definitely enjoyed meeting all of the new people today. I went running when we got to the lodge-which by no means is 'roughing' it at all. Definitely more plush accommodations than I was expecting. I went down to Cherokee Park and ran the 'scenic loop' which I learned was 2.4 miles around. It was really nice! I didn't know what to expect out in the cuts of Kentucky (okay so Louisville is a pretty large city out here) but there were a decent amount of people running around the park-there was an entire lane devoted to biking and runners/walkers. Amazing! I thought it was amusing that they had a carpool diamond in the "recreation lane" as they dubbed it on the signs (I probably would have been like 'sweet, there's more than one person in this car' and run someone over... okay so exaggeration, but it was awesome).
I took a shower and grabbed the two bottles that looked shampoo and conditioner. Washed my hair with the shampoo, and put conditioner in my hair... or at least what I thought was conditioner. Turned out it was lotion. Wow...
- run for life
When I got to Louisville I am so Presbyterian I fit in with the other YAV candidates. I definitely enjoyed meeting all of the new people today. I went running when we got to the lodge-which by no means is 'roughing' it at all. Definitely more plush accommodations than I was expecting. I went down to Cherokee Park and ran the 'scenic loop' which I learned was 2.4 miles around. It was really nice! I didn't know what to expect out in the cuts of Kentucky (okay so Louisville is a pretty large city out here) but there were a decent amount of people running around the park-there was an entire lane devoted to biking and runners/walkers. Amazing! I thought it was amusing that they had a carpool diamond in the "recreation lane" as they dubbed it on the signs (I probably would have been like 'sweet, there's more than one person in this car' and run someone over... okay so exaggeration, but it was awesome).
I took a shower and grabbed the two bottles that looked shampoo and conditioner. Washed my hair with the shampoo, and put conditioner in my hair... or at least what I thought was conditioner. Turned out it was lotion. Wow...
- run for life
Thursday, March 4, 2010
types
Is there really a 'type' that everyone must have? I have always tended to be attracted to tall (5'10" or taller) guys. Generally they are Caucasians/white. I guess it doesn't matter though... what people look like, it's the inside that counts right? I think it matters to a certain extent. I wouldn't want to be tempted by other guys... but then there are tons of attractive males out there so of course there are temptations. I would have to stand firm on my commitment made before God to be a one woman person and eventually or hopefully I guess get married and vow in front of friends and family (or not, the whole eloping idea is sounding better and better, especially after all the hectic ordeal at my sister's).
I have talked to a bunch of girls who have ended up with guys they didn't think they would end up with, or in their words, "weren't their type." For them, it's worked out beautifully.
I wish I could stop obsessing over this. It's really keeping me up at night. I need to sleep. I have to get up in 5 hours and drive down to Norfolk. I need to sleep more. I'm all messed up from time zone travels, work and homework. At least all of the wedding hustle/bustle is over now. I'm praying for all of that. God answers all prayers. He will answers my current prayers in His time. Please God. Help me get through these next few weeks and on to home! 4.5 more weeks of school and 86 days till I start driving home. I can't wait. I wish I was done with school and already ready to drive home. It will be here before I know it.
-run for life.
I have talked to a bunch of girls who have ended up with guys they didn't think they would end up with, or in their words, "weren't their type." For them, it's worked out beautifully.
I wish I could stop obsessing over this. It's really keeping me up at night. I need to sleep. I have to get up in 5 hours and drive down to Norfolk. I need to sleep more. I'm all messed up from time zone travels, work and homework. At least all of the wedding hustle/bustle is over now. I'm praying for all of that. God answers all prayers. He will answers my current prayers in His time. Please God. Help me get through these next few weeks and on to home! 4.5 more weeks of school and 86 days till I start driving home. I can't wait. I wish I was done with school and already ready to drive home. It will be here before I know it.
-run for life.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
a whole new world
I forgot how much I love reading. To become lost in another world, no worries of your own. I forgot I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (number/year 7) and borrowed it from a co-worker. I began reading only to discover I had already read it a few chapters in. (I wondered why it seemed so familiar when I started.) Reading it anyway, I decided to re-read through the series, currently reading book 6 - the Half Blood Prince.
Don't worry, I won't go into detail about Harry Potter. Mostly I miss reading. Transporting yourself out of the real world into a fantasy land that no one can corrupt. It reminds me of the days when television was more wholesome. Before movies and books began to be full of crude humor, desensitizing the public to atrocities that should not happen. Selfish human beings playing on others insecurities and feelings to make money.
I used to read all the time. I know it's a weakness-the love of reading. Curiosity like mine. When I begin a book, I have a hard time putting it down until I'm finished. When I read the Harry Potter series I finished 1-6 in less than a week. I began reading The Kite Runner on the bus one morning on the way to school and on the way back I read some more. Once I got past chapter 5 on the bus, I had to continue reading. I needed to know what was going to happen. I finished the book the same night. The Lord of the Rings is quite a large trio of books, but I finished those just as quickly prior to the movies on the big screen. Less than 2 days to finish all 3 of them. And I wondered why I was voted 'biggest book worm' in the 8th grade polls. Oh well. At least reading is a beneficial thing, albeit I didn't think it was great to be known for being a 'book worm' at the time. It's interesting to see how we've grown and changed over time as we look back on the past. The past helps to shape our future, our present choices will stay with us and our future awaits us. Here's to living in the present so that the future shall be bright.
- run for life
Don't worry, I won't go into detail about Harry Potter. Mostly I miss reading. Transporting yourself out of the real world into a fantasy land that no one can corrupt. It reminds me of the days when television was more wholesome. Before movies and books began to be full of crude humor, desensitizing the public to atrocities that should not happen. Selfish human beings playing on others insecurities and feelings to make money.
I used to read all the time. I know it's a weakness-the love of reading. Curiosity like mine. When I begin a book, I have a hard time putting it down until I'm finished. When I read the Harry Potter series I finished 1-6 in less than a week. I began reading The Kite Runner on the bus one morning on the way to school and on the way back I read some more. Once I got past chapter 5 on the bus, I had to continue reading. I needed to know what was going to happen. I finished the book the same night. The Lord of the Rings is quite a large trio of books, but I finished those just as quickly prior to the movies on the big screen. Less than 2 days to finish all 3 of them. And I wondered why I was voted 'biggest book worm' in the 8th grade polls. Oh well. At least reading is a beneficial thing, albeit I didn't think it was great to be known for being a 'book worm' at the time. It's interesting to see how we've grown and changed over time as we look back on the past. The past helps to shape our future, our present choices will stay with us and our future awaits us. Here's to living in the present so that the future shall be bright.
- run for life
Saturday, October 24, 2009
glance back
It's interesting to think about really living in the moment. So often I feel like I'm looking back and then making plans for the future. Don't get me wrong, God's definitely made my life interesting and enjoyable. I just don't want to miss anything. I want to live in each moment and really live.
When I think about it, maybe it's school. School always makes you look toward the future and make plans for afterward. In college I imagined what life would be like when I finished at Poly. Now that I'm done and have been done for over 2 years... I'm still in school. I have less than have a year left of school. I can't wait.
Tomorrow morning is the Marine Corps Marathon. Another adventure to see all the sights DC has to offer. I figure taking the train will be the easiest. Hopefully I won't be too tired in the morning. It's already 9:30PM. One of these days I'll have to train and run with someone. I wonder how different that will be.
Oh, today the rain out near Annapolis was crazy. There was SO much standing water on the streets and freeway. My heart was racing, I thought I was going to die for a minute. It may have been less than a minute, but hydroplaning is very scary. Lazarus swerved. Luckily I was in the center lane and there were no cars on either side of me. As I swerved into the right lane, I tried to hold the steering wheel steady as Laz quickly jolted into the left lane. Eventually I hit dry ground again and was able to straighten out. I slowed down, way down. I can only imagine what happens when it's colder and icy. Needless to say, I am looking forward to driving back home and avoiding driving as much as possible.
- run for life
When I think about it, maybe it's school. School always makes you look toward the future and make plans for afterward. In college I imagined what life would be like when I finished at Poly. Now that I'm done and have been done for over 2 years... I'm still in school. I have less than have a year left of school. I can't wait.
Tomorrow morning is the Marine Corps Marathon. Another adventure to see all the sights DC has to offer. I figure taking the train will be the easiest. Hopefully I won't be too tired in the morning. It's already 9:30PM. One of these days I'll have to train and run with someone. I wonder how different that will be.
Oh, today the rain out near Annapolis was crazy. There was SO much standing water on the streets and freeway. My heart was racing, I thought I was going to die for a minute. It may have been less than a minute, but hydroplaning is very scary. Lazarus swerved. Luckily I was in the center lane and there were no cars on either side of me. As I swerved into the right lane, I tried to hold the steering wheel steady as Laz quickly jolted into the left lane. Eventually I hit dry ground again and was able to straighten out. I slowed down, way down. I can only imagine what happens when it's colder and icy. Needless to say, I am looking forward to driving back home and avoiding driving as much as possible.
- run for life
Sunday, August 9, 2009
time goes by so slowly...
I feel like time flits by when I don't want to it and rushes past me when I want it to stop. I guess it's been almost 2 months since I last wrote. Since then I've been to Seattle and ran the inaugural Rock 'n Roll marathon there. I got a PR. I was pleased with the outcome especially because I didn't train very hard (I think the longest I'd run prior was 12 miles 3 months before) because my neck/shoulders were giving me a lot of problems in the 2 months leading up to the run. 
I also made it to Paul Riley's wedding. I was so excited to be there representing his West Woods friends on that special day. I also made it to Safeco with Bonnie where we had awesome seats - park 26. ;) It was so fun just chillin' and actually having a 'vacation' type time in Seattle while seeing old friends from high school including Michelle, Miya and Jimmy. Crazy there were so many San Leandrans up there!
July went by like a whirl wind and has left me gasping for air. I'm trying to keep up with running/working out/staying in shape more. I have 3 marathons I've registered for and 'homie don't play'. I am getting tired of just doing them. I want to race again. Today I was doing a little striding during my run and I MISS IT SO MUCH!!! AHH! I LOVE going fast. The way your body works mechanically together in perfect motion (pending injury).
In July I was pretty sick from allergies/life in Virginia. I managed to make it home for Jecca's wedding! I made it to 2 Oakland A's games even though I was only in Oakland/SL for about 36 hours. :) Good times were had at home hanging out with good friends.
I got up to NY and hung out with Rach and a bunch of friends from California including my mochi sister Sandra,which was awesome because I had just hung out with Yuri while in Seattle and had gone to Leilani's wedding in October last year. Now we all just need to get together for once! I can't wait for that to happen. It will be glorious.
I went to Yankee stadium dressed in full Oakland attire which is only the appropriate response considering the A's were in town to play the Yanks. Monday night I went to a Mets game with Rach, Carrie and Andy which was a lot of fun! I love going to games with friends. I'll go by myself... but it's more fun with friends for sure.
This month is focused on getting school work done... and then going to Boston to visit Donovan. I'm stoaked for that.
I've got to go up to Glen Allen now... so farewell for now.
-run for life
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
mersh, chicken, & attic journals
Reminiscing the 'good 'ole days of San Luis Obispo conjures up memories of First Presbyterian Church SLO. It was there that I walked into the church not knowing a soul except for Christ Himself. I can only say that it was Jesus Himself that prompted me to go alone and sit next to a couple with whom I am still in contact with every now and then via email and letters that I dearly enjoy.
I remember getting to know some of the college students who attended the church and meeting at the Hokits, the pre-Front Porch days including a worship-washed out by the ocean-bonfire. Fun nonetheless. Mersh was the Youth Director and oversaw the college students during the transition time... I remember going into her office and plopping my life story into her lap. A relief to get it off my own shoulders, things I'd been carrying alone for so long. God tells us to "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." -Galatians 6:2
We became good friends over the years from youth group to when I cleaned her house when she lived behind the health center and got Santiago [chicken] for the first time. I remember when she decided to begin making journals and still have the 'Fat Men from Outer Space' journal she gave me for helping her cut pages for all of the journals. [Am I glad that paper cutters were invited!]
Attic Journals was born in a small house on East Foothill Boulevard behind Cal Poly's health center in San Luis Obispo, CA when a woman named Michelle Sanders who had a dog named chicken decided to start making original journals using children's book covers. What a fabulous idea! She's very creative from house decorations to sending people random objects in the mail. Journals are something that we use to express ourselves. However, not all journals are meant to be read by the world which means that the cover must tell a little something of ourselves but not bare our souls to the random passerby. Thus Attic Journals are a perfect solution to the query of which journal expresses your inner child and joyful spirit the most yet remains affordable and stylish.
There is something about writing your thoughts that allows you to process them and re-read them later, almost like a history book of your life from your perspective. You can learn from your mistakes and see patterns in your life that you might not have noticed so easily. Online blogs are the journals of today... but nothing beats sitting by the ocean writing your thoughts, hopes, and dreams in a handmade journal that you can physically hold in your hands and stash away for another time when profound thoughts will flow from your pen onto the paper in front of you.
Honestly, I prefer handwritten journals to blogs because you can carry them with you anytime anywhere and you don't have to worry about who may come across your entry. I'm a doodler and while taking notes on a sermon or message I tend to draw pictures with my notes and it's not the same on the computer. I tend to feel like I'm writing a paper for school when I am tapping away on Jac's keys [my Mac is named Jac if you weren't aware yet].
Remember the good times, learn from the not-so-great and share with one another in order to lighten the load and fulfill the law of Christ. I miss SLO. I find myself a little jealous of the people who are left there in the small town where biking is widely accepted and even encouraged during bike to work week. The beach less than 12 miles, hiking across town, rock climbing down the street, and friends sprinkled across town. I suppose that's why they say you should enjoy college while it lasts because there's nothing like it. It's true, especially when you've lived in a place like San Luis Obispo and 'learned by doing' at Cal Poly. There's so much more to say, but it's past my bedtime. I miss home. I miss my family and friends, the Pacific, the glorious dry heat/weather, and hypoallergenic atmosphere. One more year. God will see me through until the end. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
- run for life friends
Thursday, January 22, 2009
constant
Consistent. Certain circumstances have tossed me into a heap of confusion. For me this turns me to the Truth. My heart hurts, my mind is disoriented and my body is plagued with issues. The only thing that keeps me focused properly is faith. Believe. One might say for me to be living up to my name - believing in the Hero.
I am not perfect, nor never will be. It's only 22 days into the new year and I've already missed 2 days of quiet times. The percentage can get smaller, but I'm kind of glad it will never be perfect because I feel like that would develop into pride and Satan would be able to attack me in that manner.
The joy that reading every morning brings is so unlike any other joy throughout the day. I pray that this burning desire will be fueled more and more each day. I pray that God will use what I'm gleaning and teach me more about Himself, His glory, and promises.
With all things in life, whether we originally perceive them as good or bad, 'All things work for the glory of God for those who love Him'-Rom 8:28. Therefore even if things may seem bad, because I trust Him and love Him, God will be glorified somehow. Even if I don't see it right away, a week from now, a month from now, sometimes it may be years from now that I will figure out what God was trying to do. I feel like I am cultivating this aspect of my life more. My responses initially may be negative, but I remind myself of the truth-that God is working through the circumstances that I may not appreciate or enjoy. (We discussed this at women's CG last week, it was interesting because everything people were saying are things I tell myself on a daily basis.)
How easily we forget! Daily, hourly, even minute reminders would help immensely. Reading through Genesis and Exodus (I'm just going straight through until the end like I did when I was a kid) I can quickly judge the Israelites and scoff at them, pridefully (sinfully) thinking, "how could they grumble and complain, wish to be back in slavery, or horde manna when God clearly has shown them sign after sign of His power?" Then I look at my own broken, sinful, shameful human existence and realize to my own dismay and sadness that I do exactly the same thing. I was the one who drove the nails into Christ's hands and feet. It was my sin that held Him there. He went through so much pain because I wasn't satisfied with what God had given me, because I wanted more, because I was jealous, because I coveted, because I judged, because I sinned.
Oh, how glad I am that the Holy Spirit entered my heart and opened my eyes. How much I rejoice that Jesus was the ultimate gift of love-for me. How could God love me? Once because He made me, and twice because He bought me-with the blood of Christ.
When I remember these things daily, other worries or anxieties that I had seem insignificant. I know that God's plan is best. I will follow where ever He leads me. Regardless of where He asks me to go, what He asks me to do, I know that He will give me grace and the talents and gifts to glorify Him through whatever task, where ever. I praise Him for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank You Lord for choosing me. Thank You for adding kindling to the fire, so that I yearn to know more about You. So that I have to learn more about You. That it is a desire of my own free will to read Your word and invest more time with You. I thank You that You have integrated continuous prayer in my life from a young age, where I feel as though You are my most constant friend, my best friend. I talk to You daily, throughout all my activities and life. It's more of an open-on going conversation. I know You are listening. I know You answer my prayers. My spoken and unspoken prayers. I know You will answer the longings of my heart.
-run for life
I am not perfect, nor never will be. It's only 22 days into the new year and I've already missed 2 days of quiet times. The percentage can get smaller, but I'm kind of glad it will never be perfect because I feel like that would develop into pride and Satan would be able to attack me in that manner.
The joy that reading every morning brings is so unlike any other joy throughout the day. I pray that this burning desire will be fueled more and more each day. I pray that God will use what I'm gleaning and teach me more about Himself, His glory, and promises.
With all things in life, whether we originally perceive them as good or bad, 'All things work for the glory of God for those who love Him'-Rom 8:28. Therefore even if things may seem bad, because I trust Him and love Him, God will be glorified somehow. Even if I don't see it right away, a week from now, a month from now, sometimes it may be years from now that I will figure out what God was trying to do. I feel like I am cultivating this aspect of my life more. My responses initially may be negative, but I remind myself of the truth-that God is working through the circumstances that I may not appreciate or enjoy. (We discussed this at women's CG last week, it was interesting because everything people were saying are things I tell myself on a daily basis.)
How easily we forget! Daily, hourly, even minute reminders would help immensely. Reading through Genesis and Exodus (I'm just going straight through until the end like I did when I was a kid) I can quickly judge the Israelites and scoff at them, pridefully (sinfully) thinking, "how could they grumble and complain, wish to be back in slavery, or horde manna when God clearly has shown them sign after sign of His power?" Then I look at my own broken, sinful, shameful human existence and realize to my own dismay and sadness that I do exactly the same thing. I was the one who drove the nails into Christ's hands and feet. It was my sin that held Him there. He went through so much pain because I wasn't satisfied with what God had given me, because I wanted more, because I was jealous, because I coveted, because I judged, because I sinned.
Oh, how glad I am that the Holy Spirit entered my heart and opened my eyes. How much I rejoice that Jesus was the ultimate gift of love-for me. How could God love me? Once because He made me, and twice because He bought me-with the blood of Christ.
When I remember these things daily, other worries or anxieties that I had seem insignificant. I know that God's plan is best. I will follow where ever He leads me. Regardless of where He asks me to go, what He asks me to do, I know that He will give me grace and the talents and gifts to glorify Him through whatever task, where ever. I praise Him for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank You Lord for choosing me. Thank You for adding kindling to the fire, so that I yearn to know more about You. So that I have to learn more about You. That it is a desire of my own free will to read Your word and invest more time with You. I thank You that You have integrated continuous prayer in my life from a young age, where I feel as though You are my most constant friend, my best friend. I talk to You daily, throughout all my activities and life. It's more of an open-on going conversation. I know You are listening. I know You answer my prayers. My spoken and unspoken prayers. I know You will answer the longings of my heart.
-run for life
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
dashing through the snow...
Whew. The day set aside for the world to celebrate Christ's birth is less than 25 hours away. I feel like every day should be a celebration of what God has done for us-how He has saved us. It is nice that there is a special day although I am saddened by the commercialization of the day and how the world attempts to profit from anything and everything.
Sunday Gene preached on 'Why Celebrate?' It was wonderful to hear again that God created us for worship. We are supposed to be full of joy. I often am self conscious about my loud laughter... and the fact that I laugh very often. I never thought about how we as Christians turn ordinary things into the sacred. I have thought to myself that there is more in common between Christians and non-Christians than most Christians would like to admit (though I never understood why because we are all human). The joy we experience from knowing God rather than the circumstances we face. To know that He is only working for our good, to bless us, that He has saved us & given us eternal life!-this is what sets us apart.
Sunday Gene preached on 'Why Celebrate?' It was wonderful to hear again that God created us for worship. We are supposed to be full of joy. I often am self conscious about my loud laughter... and the fact that I laugh very often. I never thought about how we as Christians turn ordinary things into the sacred. I have thought to myself that there is more in common between Christians and non-Christians than most Christians would like to admit (though I never understood why because we are all human). The joy we experience from knowing God rather than the circumstances we face. To know that He is only working for our good, to bless us, that He has saved us & given us eternal life!-this is what sets us apart.
We can rejoice even in the suffering. We can rejoice even when we're far away from everything we know. We rejoice even though the world around us is fighting us at every turn, even when we are constantly attacked by the enemy's lies. Although our bodies are falling apart, our spirits are captive of the Holy Spirit. What grand news!
I am 'fighting for joy' in every day life as John Piper says. I cannot do it on my own. I need You. Thank You for giving me everything. For blessing my life. Thank You for saving me. I am so grateful, I cannot express in words what You mean to me.
- run for life
Monday, November 24, 2008
zzzz...
The good days of sleeping. Where have they gone? Why does it seem like there is so little time? When did all of the responsibilities come?
Answers to these questions elude me. A quarter of a century into my life I stop and wonder. There are so many obligations that I must fulfill. So many people I want to spend time with and invest in their lives. Yet here I am, wondering where the past year has come and gone so quickly. I need to become better at prioritizing. I am terrible at that when it comes to people, I want to help everyone, hang out, get to know everyone better, and save the world from corruption, obesity, and inactivity.
I barely slept this weekend. From juggling working, taking classes to become a certified group exercise instructor and my online graduate school class, I guess there just wasn't time. I made it to church alive which was only by the grace of God. I almost hit the wall on 95 while driving to church from work after being awake for more than 27 hours straight. That's the longest I've ever been awake in my entire life and hopefully the last.
It's almost 9:00PM and I'm ready to go to sleep. I'm glad I at least have a day off tomorrow. I have a lot to do tomorrow. I'm praying for a few things and specific people. Lord, let Your will be done.
- run for life
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
independence
I am glad I live in America and am an American. Even though I get people asking me "where are you from," expecting me to say some Asian country, I am a proud born & raised Californian. We are so lucky to have a voice in who leads our country. Although the tide has turned from red to blue, we have been on a roll with presidents maintaining office for 8 years for the past two.
I feel like no one will ever be satisfied. There are pros and cons to both sides. I am registered under a party simply because I want to vote in the primaries. I claim to be non-partisan because I do not agree with either side.
I have friends and family who were pushing hard for either side-democratic and republican. While I do not need to go into detail, I understand the plight of both sides and the reasoning behind both choices. I believe that people should be informed voters albeit-it is difficult to do so with the media skewing things to sell a scandal.
Relief flooded over me last night as my head hit my pillow before the votes were even counted. I am tired of people publicly bashing each other. Will there ever be an election based on the character of the person and their policies without speaking poorly of the other candidate? Some are complaining about "dead people" voting for Obama, do I need to say that stuff like that has happened every election for both parties? I mean, I hope it evens out if both parties do it, but it's not really necessary to point it out when it happens on both sides every election-it's like pointing out the speck in someone's eye when you have a mammoth log in your own.
I'm already hearing the complaints about the new president and it's only been 1 day. He's not even president yet, he's just the president elect. I'll continue praying people do not resort to violence and that this nation will one day know God. Four years ago I listened to the angry cries of "he's not my president!" when Bush was re-elected. I told them then and I'll say it again: if you are an American citizen, he's your president. I voiced my opinion by voting and now we have a man waiting in the wings to begin his term as president of the United States. I will support the man whom the nation has appointed to lead us, this does not mean I will support all his actions and policies, but I will not slander a man I have never met just like I do not want to gossip or slander against someone I have.
Regardless of who is my president or not, I keep my focus on God-Our creator, Sovereign over all & always ultimately in charge. He is the one who planned this moment and this day before time began, He knows when the world will end, He knows the exact moment of every detail of each of our lives. The president is merely a man, a sinner with flaws, who must obey God's laws just like the rest of us for he will stand one day in judgement. God will determine if he truly believed or not, not me or anyone else. I pray that God will give direction and guidance to Obama while he is in office.
I lift up our president and our country to you God. I pray for those who are excited and those who are discouraged about the results. I pray for those that will be affected by this-the United States and the entire world. I pray for the soldiers at war. I pray for the countries and their citizens who are under attack or have terrorists in them. I pray for the people who are in need in our country and others. I pray that God will always be our Guide and our Light no matter what.
- run for life
I feel like no one will ever be satisfied. There are pros and cons to both sides. I am registered under a party simply because I want to vote in the primaries. I claim to be non-partisan because I do not agree with either side.
I have friends and family who were pushing hard for either side-democratic and republican. While I do not need to go into detail, I understand the plight of both sides and the reasoning behind both choices. I believe that people should be informed voters albeit-it is difficult to do so with the media skewing things to sell a scandal.
Relief flooded over me last night as my head hit my pillow before the votes were even counted. I am tired of people publicly bashing each other. Will there ever be an election based on the character of the person and their policies without speaking poorly of the other candidate? Some are complaining about "dead people" voting for Obama, do I need to say that stuff like that has happened every election for both parties? I mean, I hope it evens out if both parties do it, but it's not really necessary to point it out when it happens on both sides every election-it's like pointing out the speck in someone's eye when you have a mammoth log in your own.
I'm already hearing the complaints about the new president and it's only been 1 day. He's not even president yet, he's just the president elect. I'll continue praying people do not resort to violence and that this nation will one day know God. Four years ago I listened to the angry cries of "he's not my president!" when Bush was re-elected. I told them then and I'll say it again: if you are an American citizen, he's your president. I voiced my opinion by voting and now we have a man waiting in the wings to begin his term as president of the United States. I will support the man whom the nation has appointed to lead us, this does not mean I will support all his actions and policies, but I will not slander a man I have never met just like I do not want to gossip or slander against someone I have.
Regardless of who is my president or not, I keep my focus on God-Our creator, Sovereign over all & always ultimately in charge. He is the one who planned this moment and this day before time began, He knows when the world will end, He knows the exact moment of every detail of each of our lives. The president is merely a man, a sinner with flaws, who must obey God's laws just like the rest of us for he will stand one day in judgement. God will determine if he truly believed or not, not me or anyone else. I pray that God will give direction and guidance to Obama while he is in office.
I lift up our president and our country to you God. I pray for those who are excited and those who are discouraged about the results. I pray for those that will be affected by this-the United States and the entire world. I pray for the soldiers at war. I pray for the countries and their citizens who are under attack or have terrorists in them. I pray for the people who are in need in our country and others. I pray that God will always be our Guide and our Light no matter what.
- run for life
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