seeking approval

I told my dad tonight what I wanted to do next year. I tried to start out with the positives or things I thought he would like: 1) I'd be closer to home, 2) doing something I'd actually like doing, 3) trying to expand my horizons and figure out with vocational discernment what I want to do/what God made me to do in this life. He asked about money, and I told him I'd break even because they'd cover my expenses and he was not pleased. In fact, that was the end of the conversation. He told me he didn't like that and that I shouldn't waste my life doing things like mission trips that you don't get paid at and said bye.

I was so excited. I get so frustrated when I hear that. I know it's going to happen but at the same time I hope that maybe he'll understand. Life isn't all about money. I wish he'd understand one day, I am doubtful that will ever happen. At least I told him though. He can't say that I didn't tell him I was planning on "wasting a year of my life doing nothing." If that's what mission trips are and helping people is, wasting my life sounds good to me. My ideals are so different. I don't want to disobey or defy but I can't live the life my dad wants me to live. I still need to figure out how I can honor him at the same time as doing what I think God wants me to do. If only life were easy. He mentioned how I need to find a Chinese guy to marry again. Great. Thanks dad. Such great aspirations for me.

- run for life