re-growth

I'm attempting to grow pineapples in my room. They take 18-20 months to grow. One of them has roots... well a stub of a root that is beginning to protrude from the base of the 'stalk' (is that what the spikey green part is called on the top of a pineapple?). Life is all about growth and re-growth. Pineapples must be grown from individual plants, then replanted. They aren't like other plants that you can keep harvesting from. How did I never know this? It really is true that we learn something new every day.

God continues to teach me lessons each day. I am forever in His debt. I answered all my messages and emails today and I'm hitting my 4th post this month. I realize October is almost over, but hey, I'm trying to be technological enough to keep in touch with the outside world.

I messed up while taking my first online graduate school test. I was quite disappointed and felt like a complete nincompoop. I accidentally submitted it before I was finished with the test. Luckily I still got an 88.63% so I can still get an A in the class. I would have been horrified if I had gotten anything lower than a B. I still have the final which is worth more and a big project than I can do well on. God is still working on my pride in the area of intelligence and GPA.

My TF lesson went fine. It wasn't actually nursing students. It turned out it was actual RNs and LPNs who worked in the ER, acute care, and ICU. Fancy that. I was nervous and thought I sounded terrible. For some reason I was having difficulty pronouncing things, medications are weird though. At least people learned something. It's over until next year at least.

Tomorrow I leave for South Carolina for state 5. I'm excited to go somewhere new. I pray that I don't get more sick while running and that God will help me through it. I can only pray that I will finish strong since I know I cannot get a PR while my lungs feel this way and my body feels physically ill. Oh well, that just means a bigger PR in 2009.

Keep looking up and focusing on Him. Look out SC! Here I come.

-run for life

racing

He is the Rock, His works are perfect and His ways are just. An upright God who does no wrong, faithful and just is He. -Deut 32:4

I am so amazed constantly throughout my days and weeks. I will never measure up, yet He still chooses me and nudges me to try again. I dust myself off and stand at the line once more, setting for the gun. The loud "bang!" fills my ear drums as my body springs into action.

The race of life is swift, sometimes I feel so left behind. I feel my anxiety and stress leaving me as I enjoy fellowship with others who are like minded. I still have hopes and dreams that I will keep to myself for now, perhaps time will reveal or smash those glimmers, but God's in charge, so whatever He wants to happen will happen.

I didn't feel super productive today but at least I got some cleaning done and read through some of the material I'll be teaching tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping to get to work early so I can finish all my patients and prepare my lesson! Wow. I've never been this last minute when giving a presentation or teaching. I guess it's a good thing I already know the subject, I just need to review it. We have a lot going on tomorrow including a teleconference. I hope that my lesson doesn't need to be an entire hour-maybe 45 minutes max. I can squeeze and easy half hour out of nothing so I can hit 45 no problem. God please help me with all of this, the things I must do for work and everything in life.

Greenville, South Carolina here I come this weekend. I am praying about that too. My lungs hurt and feel like they are strangely smaller than normal or clogged... I guess that could have something to do with being sick this past week and being unable to breathe. Sometimes I pray for God to just take me now and put me out of my misery of this life and take me to heaven. One day I'll see His face. I can only imagine. I pray that I will finish this race for His glory and be able to make it through the next race in Raleigh, North Carolina the week after. God, please help me.

-run for life

commitments

I glanced through the past few entries I've written and every single one of them speaks of a lack of time.  This has been evident throughout my entire life as I filled my calendar with sports, clubs, activities, academics, work, and social events.  I need to re-evaluate my use of time again soon.  I always pack in as much as I can and I am able to survive and make it work, but I want to enjoy the life God has given me rather than feeling like I'm barely clinging on, trying to make all the events that I've committed to.

I look and try to determine if each commitment itself is important, and they are. All of them are good in themselves. I can glorify God through them. However, I don't think that I can continue to barely make it and feel like I am utilizing all of God's gifts appropriately. I suppose I can make it to the next quarter. Once Starting Point is over I will have another free night each week-then I can finish all of my homework on Wednesday instead of working on it on Thursday. School is a lot more work than I anticipated, but I know that it will be worth it when I receive that Master of Science diploma in the mail.

I keep telling myself that God wants me here. I know that He does. It's so hard to stay when your heart is telling you to run as far and as fast as you can go. I guess this is what fear is like. I don't experience that often. Kelly says, "if you leave now, you could miss out on the best thing in your life." I know she's right, but I still want to learn Spanish fluently while working and living in South America, backpack across Europe and live out in Switzerland and Germany. There are so many things on my lengthy list of life goals.

Some days I just want to sit and do nothing. Yeah, I know, that's not glorifying God. Please help me out here. I really just need to hear Your voice in my life. Please tell me what I need to do and help my human heart to be comforted and content.

-run for life

disappointment

I suppose I put a lot of stock in what people say. I have always been the most gullible person I've ever met so I guess it makes sense. I am feeling mixed emotions. I want to do nothing and mope around, but at the same time I feel like that would be stupid and lame. I've never really done that before over anyone, I always just keep rollin' on with my life and truck along. I wonder if I'll get up in time for discipleship group. I have to confess I've read nothing. I have been really bad about keeping up with something I should be, especially because I need to work on my heart in so many ways. I should really go.

I need to catch up on homework tomorrow-my first grad school test is next week. Life is coming at me 100 miles an hour and I feel like I'm barely hanging on. It's already 10/10! Nikki's birthday! Gosh, I wonder how she's doing. Ahh, those good old days of gymnastics. They were so much more carefree, I worried more about sticking my dismount than I did about boys, money, and life.

I don't know why I'm so sad. I shouldn't expect much. I keep realizing that people flake out all the time and every time I'm shocked as if it's a new phenomenon. I wish I could go visit my family, well my sister, whenever. I wish I had plans with old friends from college or could go visit and go to a game on short notice. I have to plan everything far in advance when I go home and then I still can't visit everyone.

I did have a good time in Hawai'i though I wish I could have stayed longer and seen Anna and a few others... especially since I flew all that way. It was good to see Lei again and support her at her wedding. Oh I miss the mochi days. Those were good times.

I need You. Help my thoughts and heart Lord. Help me to concentrate on You and glorify You.

-run for life