may '09 recap

I missed the entire month of May! I love May most, I guess I just got too caught up with life and everything to do. I went camping at Douthat State Park with the Richardsons and Doody CG the first weekend of May, then to New York for Rachel's birthday fiesta and worked the third weekend. NEXT was Memorial Day weekend and I just worked this past weekend as well. I made it to my 3rd MLB park this 2009 season (San Diego, DC, & Baltimore so far) with more to come. I love traveling and baseball. When they're combined, that just makes it so much better.

I feel like I am plagued with lack of sleep and a lot of neck pain in a addition to my usual aliments. I wonder if it's because I'm older or because I am just as injury prone as I've always been. June is already filling up with (hopefully) 2 weekend trips to the beach, a working weekend and Seattle for Paul's wedding, the Rock 'n Roll Seattle Inaugural Marathon and a Mariners game at Safeco.

NEXT was good (the new New Attitude). I had been dreading it, with lack of communication and not really knowing anyone who was going (due to lack of communication, it turned out there were about 70 people from our church, I just had no idea until after I was already there). It worked out better though. I hung out with new people and made new friends. I prefer that, rather than only hanging out with friends I already know and see all the time. Not that last year wasn't good, it was, I just like meeting new people.

My favorite speaker was Kevin Deyoung. He is a pastor from Michigan and he is HILARIOUS. I definitely want to get and read his book, 'Just Do Something!' He went through the latter half of Luke 8 and I was impressed with his simplification and break down.

He went through and noted (my notes not his, this is what I thought was important):

1) You do not rebuke something unless you believe it's going to obey.  Clearly, Jesus knew who He was while everyone else was just beginning to understand.  [ex-Jesus and the storm, he said 'peace be still' and it stopped].

2) the disciples and witnesses were MORE afraid after Jesus performed the miracles [the demon called Legion scared them, the storm scared them, and the girl dying was sad, but they were MORE afraid that Jesus was able to control all of these things, instead of feeling better or impressed: they were filled with FEAR-clearly he was more than human].

3) These miracles were not a test of Christ's power. Jesus barely says a word and miracles happen. [they were simple/easy for Him].

4) Christ's holiness is more powerful than your uncleanliness. If you touch Jesus -> you become CLEAN! [ex-woman who touched His cloak and stopped bleeding after TWELVE YEARS! The law said that you're unclean if you're bleeding and if another person touches you-you became unclean as well. Not for Jesus. He is so holy/pure/clean that you become clean if you are unclean and touch Him.].

5) You cannot exhaust God's grace [ex-saying, 'I can't forgive myself = MORE SIN, YOU CAN'T FORGIVE YOURSELF, HE MUST FORGIVE YOU! It's not that you feel bad, it's that you don't feel BAD ENOUGH.]

Finally, my favorite point. (6, I guess) Deyoung states that Christianity is 'anti-Disney' which I never thought about, but it's true. He says, 

"You will NOT be a Christian unless you stop believing in yourself."

Which is a great statement. We must believe in Christ, we must believe in His power. We need to remember that Jesus is the Lord and Savior. "The closer you get the more you love Him & the more you get a little scared." - K. Deyoung

Another good point he had, "the goal of youth group is boring testimonies!" He also says that the sins biggest in the church today are 1) sexual sin and 2) self righteousness. Being tormented by Satan is better than being proud [ex-Paul with the thorn in his flesh-God gave it to him to keep him from being conceited].

D.A. Carson and Sinclair Ferguson were also very good. I am too tired to write about all that, but I definitely need to re-listen to the messages.

God please help me to make it through the last 4 weeks of these 2 classes and finish them with satisfaction that I glorified You in the process. Please help me to prepare for my summer class and do well in that. Lord You know what I need, please help me to sleep more and be content in all areas of my life. Thank You for leading me and guiding me and saving me from what I cannot handle.

- run for life

woman with a plan

I have reviewed my short-term goals since I got back to VA. I've become much more cheery with my prospects. After I'm done with all of my school and tests (by 2011) I should be: Jill O, MS, RD, CSSD, CNSD. Then in 2011 after I've passed the CSSD, I want to study for and take the ACSM HFS, which will tack on more initials to my name. I pray that God will see me through. I know that his plans for me are the best and I pray that my will is aligned with His. I will understand if all of my plans are not completed if it is not His will, but I am glad that I know what the next two years look like.

I think I'm at least 5 shades darker than I was in February but when I look at myself, I still look sickly pale. I guess I'm just used to home. With God, I'm ready for the world. I'm ready for anything. I need to get back into the swing of things and maybe figure out how to fix Safari on Jac. I'm tired of Safari crashing every time I open a link to a new web page. They're not even anything bad! Mostly it's just links from e-mails or trying to open another tab so I can look something up while keeping the web page I was on still open so I can go back to it (school stuff mostly).

God I'm tired (when I say things like that I'm talking to Him-obviously NOT using His name in vain). I need to get on EST. Good night.

-run for life.

april thoughts

I often wonder if time goes by more quickly when you've gained life experience because you have a daily routine and responsibilities or because we're more patient. Of course I can still grow in the area of patience. I often feel like I jump into things & need to take a step back. Looking at my calendar I wonder if I can fit in more vacations and get out to the West Coast more.

I went back to California for Easter and hung out with my sister, her boyfriend, and our cousin. It was fun. I made it to Petco finally and have 25 stadiums down (technically 23 since the Mets and Yanks opened new ones so I am going back in July-I already have my tickets). Seattle will be done in June and my 7th state marathon as well. I need to figure out if I can get another state in before 2009 is over. I wonder if I can find some that are close back to back, like Delaware and Rhode Island. I was thinking about going home for the Nike Women's marathon too since some of my friends run it.

It's already April. March weather was ridiculous here in Virginia. It snowed the 1st weekend, was 83 degrees the next, poured the next and then was sunny again. April hasn't been much better as it rains, the wind blows, and my longing for home grows.

Should God allow me to move home next year, I'm going. I can't wait to be done with this state. I know it's quite bad, but I really dislike Virginia. The weather is terrible. All the talk about relationships and wanting to get married is way over rated. I'm not saying I don't want to get married, I do. I just think it's ridiculous to have regular conversations about other people's relationships (or non-relationships) because it turns into gossip and slander. Unless someone gets engaged I don't think it's that exciting when people get together. Maybe I'm still a covert pessimist. Nick encouraged me to be more positive... I've tried, but I wonder if I have ever taken that to heart.

The crystal blue waters of the Pacific are calling me. I want to say the end of 2010 is the longest I can handle being here. Then I need to get a new job and move home... after traveling in Europe and then road tripping across the nation in style (I pray that Lazarus will still be around).

I'm still on West Coast time. It's almost 2AM EST and I need to get to bed.

- run for life friends.

firsts

Simple, yet satisfying.  Virginia experienced a snow storm, or at least I thought it was a lot... and a little scary to drive in last night when it was about 5-6 inches.  I drove slowly and with control, which apparently is the way to drive when you're in the snow from what I've been told.

This morning after my standard healthy breakfast of Fiber One and soy milk, I made a large ball of snow for Jim's head (the kids named the snowman Jim).  They made another bigger one they named Chewbacca.  Both of snowmen fell after a short while.  

I made a snow penguin in the front yard and named him Dave.  He took me about two hours to make!  I built my first snow creature and made my first snow angel.  When I got back from work hours later, Dave was still proudly standing tall.  I was very excited.

Silly, but if one were to draw from the examples of the snow creatures-snowmen that tumbled quickly in harsh conditions vs. a snow penguin who stood firm, one might come to the conclusion that the penguin that was worked on diligently for hours stood firm because there was dedication and care put into it.  The snowmen were made by children who have yet to learn patience.  One was large but was not well put together, he was lopsided and soon tumbled.  In order to be firm on solid ground (Christ) we need to get into His word and remember 'I have hidden Your Word in my heart so that I might not sin against You' -Psalm 119:11.  We need to be diligent to get into the Word and study it so that we might be on the solid ground and steady through times of trial that will test us.

After the eventful morning of firsts, we went into work.  On the way home we noticed the roads were thawing which was a good sign.  I am praying that the roads will be clear tomorrow when we go into work and that there will be less accidents and people will drive safely.

Fun day.  I finally got to build my snowman and complete another life goal without even leaving the yard.  :)  Thanks God, more prayers answered.  I knew You would... all in Your timing.  'You are the Rock, Your works are perfect and Your ways are just.  An upright God who does no wrong, faithful and just is He.' -Deuteronomy 32:4.

-run for life

disappointment

That sick feeling at the pit of your stomach that creeps up to your throat is very unappetizing. When tears stream and the thought that throwing up might help get rid of it? Conflicting interests flit through my mind. I should be happy.

I'm glad that God's plans are the perfect ones. All I can do is trust that it will happen in His perfect timing.

I need Your help God. I need Your help to turn head knowledge into heart knowledge. Please God. I run to You for consulation. I run to You for everything.

- run for life

constant

Consistent. Certain circumstances have tossed me into a heap of confusion. For me this turns me to the Truth. My heart hurts, my mind is disoriented and my body is plagued with issues. The only thing that keeps me focused properly is faith. Believe. One might say for me to be living up to my name - believing in the Hero.

I am not perfect, nor never will be. It's only 22 days into the new year and I've already missed 2 days of quiet times. The percentage can get smaller, but I'm kind of glad it will never be perfect because I feel like that would develop into pride and Satan would be able to attack me in that manner.

The joy that reading every morning brings is so unlike any other joy throughout the day. I pray that this burning desire will be fueled more and more each day. I pray that God will use what I'm gleaning and teach me more about Himself, His glory, and promises.

With all things in life, whether we originally perceive them as good or bad, 'All things work for the glory of God for those who love Him'-Rom 8:28. Therefore even if things may seem bad, because I trust Him and love Him, God will be glorified somehow. Even if I don't see it right away, a week from now, a month from now, sometimes it may be years from now that I will figure out what God was trying to do. I feel like I am cultivating this aspect of my life more. My responses initially may be negative, but I remind myself of the truth-that God is working through the circumstances that I may not appreciate or enjoy. (We discussed this at women's CG last week, it was interesting because everything people were saying are things I tell myself on a daily basis.)

How easily we forget! Daily, hourly, even minute reminders would help immensely. Reading through Genesis and Exodus (I'm just going straight through until the end like I did when I was a kid) I can quickly judge the Israelites and scoff at them, pridefully (sinfully) thinking, "how could they grumble and complain, wish to be back in slavery, or horde manna when God clearly has shown them sign after sign of His power?" Then I look at my own broken, sinful, shameful human existence and realize to my own dismay and sadness that I do exactly the same thing. I was the one who drove the nails into Christ's hands and feet. It was my sin that held Him there. He went through so much pain because I wasn't satisfied with what God had given me, because I wanted more, because I was jealous, because I coveted, because I judged, because I sinned.

Oh, how glad I am that the Holy Spirit entered my heart and opened my eyes. How much I rejoice that Jesus was the ultimate gift of love-for me. How could God love me? Once because He made me, and twice because He bought me-with the blood of Christ.

When I remember these things daily, other worries or anxieties that I had seem insignificant. I know that God's plan is best. I will follow where ever He leads me. Regardless of where He asks me to go, what He asks me to do, I know that He will give me grace and the talents and gifts to glorify Him through whatever task, where ever. I praise Him for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank You Lord for choosing me. Thank You for adding kindling to the fire, so that I yearn to know more about You. So that I have to learn more about You. That it is a desire of my own free will to read Your word and invest more time with You. I thank You that You have integrated continuous prayer in my life from a young age, where I feel as though You are my most constant friend, my best friend. I talk to You daily, throughout all my activities and life. It's more of an open-on going conversation. I know You are listening. I know You answer my prayers. My spoken and unspoken prayers. I know You will answer the longings of my heart.

-run for life

so fresh, so clean

Spare time is so few and far between.  From attempting to spend time with friends and get work and school done, I feel like the 'processing' time is short.  

A new year signals to many a new beginning, a re-birth if you will.  To me it is another year.  Each day I look forward to a new beginning, each moment I praise God for giving me yet another chance.  Oh how I am so glad that Jesus' blood covers past, present, and future.  I could never make it even a fraction of an hour without Him.

To review 2008:  the year was filled with ups and downs.  Life changing decisions hindered on what God would reveal to me in His time.  I prayed continuously, listening intently for His voice.  I completed a few more life goals, visited more ballparks and missed friends from home.

After my dietetic internship, I passed the RD exam on 7/11 and caught a firefly the next night.  I got my first salaried, full-time job in Petersburg, VA and have benefits.  I now have health insurance again!  God has been so apparent and has blessed me with everything I could ask for, everything I need.  I got a job at the YMCA as a group exercise instructor and am hoping to start teaching in March.  Currently I am enjoying the free membership that being an employee brings.  I ran in the pool and swam today.  It is a lot harder than I remember!  I'm still waiting on my new Supernovas to come in the mail so I can run.

Na was amazing and I listened to John Piper live for the first time.  It was so delightful to hear from someone so candid who trusts so much in the Lord.  I was very encouraged and convicted all at the same time.

I started my graduate classes at Northeastern and will receive tuition assistance this year as a benefit from my job.

I still have allergies and get sick often.  I'm still praying that I will feel better physically soon.  Maybe I'll be able to sing again one day?  My throat is so sore it's been painful to talk over the past week.  I've been sucking regularly on cough drops in a feeble attempt to soothe my throat to no avail.

God has some marvelous plans I can feel Him preparing my heart and soul for something I cannot imagine.  I have been more emotional over this past year than I've ever been in my life.  I think it's got something to do with being so far from anything I know-it's like being in a foreign land.  (I mean, I did see an ice scraper for the first time in my life about a week ago.)

My verse of the year was Proverbs 19:21-Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.  All of my plans and good intentions are just that-plans and intentions.  The Lord's purpose trumps all of these and His plan is only for our good so I will continue to put my trust in Him daily and to life according to His will.  Though it is sometimes difficult and I get weary, He will continue to lift me up and guide my steps.

Here's to 2009.  More opportunities to share about Christ's love.  More chances to seek His face and live for Him.  I shall continue in my pursuit of glorifying Him.  With His help I will persevere through physical suffering, emotional trauma, and spiritual adversaries to sit at His feet.  My focus is only on You Lord, my Father.  I praise Your wonderful name and take in Your beautiful splendor.  Thank You for getting me through a difficult year.  I know that You will take me through another which will probably be just as hard.

-Live Simply, Live Fully.  Live for Him, Live like Jesus.  Run for Life.